Becoming
by Point Blank Fuchelli
Summary: In his fifth year of school, Severus Snape struggles to hold on to the best friend he loves while delving farther and farther into the Dark Arts. It is this fascination that will lead Severus and Lily down wildly divergent paths.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: I swore up and down that I was not going to get involved in fanfic again but God help me, Deathly Hallows dragged it out of me. Too enthralled was I by the Lily and Snape relationship to let the chance pass me by to flex my angst muscles.

This is, first and foremost, a Lily/Snape-centric story. But please note that this is CANON-BASED and I am doing nothing here but filling the gaps that JKR left. I don't believe there was a romantic relationship between the two no matter what poor Snape may have wanted. However I am also going by what Ms. Rowling said in an interview regarding their friendship - that Lily loved Snape and might have even loved him romantically if he hadn't gone and mucked things up by becoming a Death Eater. That being said, please do not expect wish-fulfillment from this - it'll be pure angst by way of unrequited love (and maybe some close calls ), but no "fluff."

I am not going to bend over backwards with the British slang. I find that trying too hard comes off as annoying and fake and I'd rather avoid that altogether. I _have_ tried to put in what I understand thanks to various sources though. Hopefully it won't detract from the actual story.

My knowledge of canon is extensive, but by no means exhaustive. I did my homework for this story and have used all original names and histories when available. When they aren't, I have made up my own and have done my best to keep them as "Rowling-esque" as possible. Please excuse any small discrepencies.

I think that's it. Hopefully the following chapters will have fewer ramblings from me and more actual content. :)

**Disclaimer: All characters included herein are property of JK Rowling, Scholastic and Bloomsbury (and others I'm not aware of), who all kindly look the other way when we want to play in their world. This story, however, belongs to me.**

**'Becoming'**

**Point Blank Fuchelli**

Chapter One

"You're too slow!"

The voice was stern but the eyes were twinkling and unmistakably merry. His own met hers defiantly, shoulders shrugging new robes onto his body. "You know you don't need those yet, Sev." It was the very comment she made every year at the start of term. As soon as he left his mother's side the first action he took was to pull his robes over his ill-fitting muggle attire and every year Lily ran ahead to grab a compartment without waiting. At this point in their academic careers it was more a joke than an inconsideration on her part; she got far too much enjoyment from the look of playful annoyance on his face when he finally tracked her down several minutes later.

Severus didn't say another word on the matter but took the seat across from her. She'd found an empty compartment for which he was glad, although he knew that wasn't likely to last. She had made Prefect – rightly so – and she'd have to join the others as soon as the train started. But he took solace in the fact that she had staked a place for them, because it meant she planned on returning.

There was an uncomfortable silence as Lily's mood slipped from lighthearted to melancholy and she stared outside absently. Severus knew better than to ask why. She was watching her parents depart – her parents who had come to see her off _without_ her sister. It was the third year in a row she'd declined to come.

"I wonder who else made it?" He said in a not-too-subtle attempt to distract her thoughts. "Prefect, I mean." She turned to face him and shrugged.

"Remus Lupin from Gryffindor." She said. "Don't know about the other houses. Who do you suppose from Slytherin?"

He paused, appearing to think. In all honesty, though, he had a good idea but he knew she wouldn't like the truth.

"Avery, most likely. Maybe Frankos." Lily nodded, chewing on the names and scowling.

"I can't believe anyone would give Avery _authority_, though." She scowled and he knew that she was thinking about the riot he and several friends (Severus included, unfortunately) had caused at the end of the previous year. Before she could go on, though, he added "Well, he sure sucks up to Slughorn so it'd be no surprise if he got the recommendation. I expect Dapple will have the Hufflepuff nod for the same reason." He was keen to draw her away from that train of thought before she started to dwell on his involvement in the fiasco. She still gave him disapproving, motherly looks every time the subject came up.

There was a great jostling under their feet as the train burst into movement. Lily stood, shaken from her own thoughts along with the scarlet steam engine.

"Guess that's my cue." She said stretching as if she'd been sitting for hours and Severus took the moment to frown unhappily. He didn't particularly mind being alone while she saw to her Prefect duties, but it wasn't the solitaire he was keen to avoid. He simply didn't want _her_ to leave. He cheered slightly when she added, "I hope this doesn't take long!" and gave him a small smile before departing. The familiar and not unpleasant sensation of his stomach turning over momentarily distracted him from his displeasure, but he settled into mild disquiet half a moment later.

Voices rose and fell as students ran past in the hall. He recognized a few faces but none he liked and certainly none he wanted to talk with. Severus watched the shapes blur past him through the window for a while before getting just bored enough to grab his Transfiguration text and wand, reading absently. The muffled sounds beyond the door became indistinguishable as he slipped into a comfortable pattern of reading and lazily flicking his wand in response to the instructions. It must have been a half hour later, though, when a familiar tone ripped, unbidden and unwelcome, through Severus' quiet trance.

"…stroke of luck, I tell you, Moony making Prefect."

"You can't be surprised, can you? I mean, he certainly keeps his nose clean, doesn't he?"

As much as Severus might have hated the sound of the two voices, it was all he could do not to listen. He paused, his wand aloft and his book left open on his lap.

"Cleaner than anyone else, at least. Not that we haven't tried to muddy him up a bit. No, but this _will_ come in handy."

"Does this, by chance, have anything to with the lovely Miss Evans and _her_ fortuitous Prefect appointment?"

It was at the mention of Lily that Severus gave up all pretenses and began blatantly eavesdropping. By great fate, Sirius Black and James Potter happened to stop right outside his door and, not about to look a gift horse in the mouth, Severus shut his book, stowed his wand in his robes and moved to the seat closest the door.

"Perhaps."

Sirius laughed and apparently slapped him on the shoulder in approval. Behind the door Severus scowled deeply.

"Whatever you're thinking, Moony'll never follow. Clean nose and all, remember?" Severus couldn't help but smirk; Remus was, indeed, stodgy and rigid and wouldn't be party to any wrongdoing if he could help it.

"He doesn't have to _do_ anything. Just let me, you know, show up at strategic moments when she _happens_ to be there." He paused. "Although it might not hurt if he happened to work my many virtues or Quidditch achievements into conversation."

Sirius roared at this; Severus couldn't stop his eyes from rolling back in his head.

"Evans has never been impressed with your prowess on the field before, I don't know why she'd start now. And before Moony can extol your virtues, you'll have to get some first, mate."

"Pointlessly cruel is what you are, Padfoot, and I refuse to let you stymie my good mood. This is fate, Moony and Evans being paired up, and I plan to take full advantage of it."

It took all Severus' will power not to slam the door open and hex James with one of a million painful spells that bubbled into his mind. His blood was roaring indignantly through his ears but not so much that he missed the sudden cessation of talk from the two outside his door. He thought they might have left ("lucky for them" he thought scornfully) until James continued loudly with, "Have a good holiday Evans?"

"Fine, thanks." Came the cold reply. Severus heard her hand on the door and he slid immediately back to his original position.

"Congratulations on Prefect. Guess we'd better be on our best, eh?"

There followed quite a lot of laughing as they scampered away. Not even before Sirius had finished his sentence Lily had flung the compartment door open, eyes already in mid-roll. Severus managed to quell the look of smug satisfaction that threatened to appear on his face as she took a seat across from him and attempted the blandest look of mild curiosity he could muster.

"Honestly. For all their self-inflated swaggering, you'd think they could find something better to do than _stalk_ people." She huffed, still managing to look quite beautiful even while angry. "I have no problems with Remus but I'm afraid I'll have to tolerate those two jack-asses now that we're Prefects." She heaved a great sigh of resignation and then appeared to put it from her mind. "You were right. Avery and that high-pitched Parkinson from Slytherin. Dapple too, along with Crowe for Hufflepuff. And… Piffman and Yarrow for Ravenclaw."

"Not surprised, although Yarrow isn't exactly bright, is he?" Severus said, unable to mask the slight note of distaste. "He practically blew up McGonagalls's desk after Easter."

"Maybe so, but he doesn't torture first-years with barely legal hexes like Avery, does he?" She snapped back immediately. She paused for a beat and glared at him as if she knew that he might rush to his defense as in the past before barreling on. "And he certainly isn't a sycophant like Parkinson who barely managed not to melt her cauldron in Potions and yet couldn't keep her trap shut every time Slughorn walked past, yammering on about how much her mother _loved_ the book he sent her for Christmas or how much her father _raved_ about the theatre tickets he'd gotten them." Her words dripped with disdain and Severus let his guard down a bit as she traveled farther from the subject of Avery, whom he considered a mate to Suellen Parkinson, whom they both quite loathed.

"Not that it helped her much in class though, did it?" He mused as she broke for air, still looking mutinous. "Sluggie, after all, only had eyes for you." This stopped her and an attractive shade of pink colored her pale cheeks at the flattery. "It's absolutely revolting how he fawns on you. Indecent, even." She managed to look appropriately embarrassed but she couldn't hide the tiny bit of satisfaction creeping into her smile, not from him at least. No, he knew that she had a small bit of vanity that relished the attention even if she wouldn't admit it out loud. He could, in fact, usually talk her down from any of her fits with a few well-chosen compliments. It might seem shallow but it was, frankly, one of the things he secretly cherished about her. He felt as if he was the only one who completely understood – indeed, appreciated – Lily Evans. Others (namely James Potter) would turn her into an angel but he saw hints of the devil as well. Somehow she managed to be both and the paradox was fascinating. Severus was clearly not the only one to think so; she was, after all, far too popular for her own good. 'Still,' Severus thought, 'she isn't sitting with Potter, is she?'

"Slughorn is easy to please." She said modestly, before shooting him a look of pure sarcasm. "You're proof of that." He scowled and she laughed. A smile twitched on his facial muscles and he wondered, for the hundredth time, if she knew how impossible she made it to be mad at her when she laughed like that. Sometimes Severus couldn't help but suspect she knew exactly the hold she had over him; that the devil inside of her flexed its figurative muscles. But then she'd smile angelically (as she was now) and he'd realize, for the hundredth time, that she was far too innocent to exercise such control over another human being. And that made her all the more amazing.

"Sev, were you _studying_?" Lily had moved over and picked up the textbook he had abandoned when Potter and Black had appeared outside his door. "We haven't even arrived yet!"

"What was I supposed to do? You were off with the other Prefects!" He said and, try as he might, couldn't stop a mite of jealousy from sneaking into his voice.

"Well, skulk alone in a corner, obviously!" She laughed. "Honestly, why didn't you go mingle? You don't _have_ to be anti-social, you know." He gave a frown as he snatched his book back trying to mask his timidity with exasperated huffiness. He could very well have sought out his fellow housemates but had stayed put, afraid she might come back to an empty compartment and then leave to do the same.

"I thought you didn't approve of my friends?" He shot back defensively and immediately wanted to clock himself for bringing the subject back to that. A keen eyebrow shot up immediately on her forehead.

"Since when do you need my approval?"

"I don't!" He mumbled, flustered and annoyed that he had backed himself into this corner. "I just… value your opinion, is all." He finished lamely. She pursed her lips and gave him a disbelieving look.

"That's sweet, Sev, and complete crap; otherwise you would have ditched those lowlifes back in third year." she challenged.

"And what? Taken up with your Gryffindor pansies?" The words tumbled out of his mouth and before he'd uttered the last syllables he already regretted them all. Her eyes narrowed and he could tell she had taken the attack personally, which only made him feel worse.

Her eyes turned furiously to the window without another word and the silence, to Severus, was worse than a lecture; it meant she didn't even want to waste her time or breath on him. He would have much preferred an argument.

A few moments ticked by and Severus gave her time to seethe privately before trying to repair the damage. Term hadn't even started and she was already turning a chilly shoulder towards him. He couldn't think of a way he'd _less_ like to begin fifth year.

"Lil, come on, I'm sorry." He said feebly. "Really. I… I apologize. You know I didn't mean it."

Shoulders sagging in acquiescence, Lily heaved a sigh and turned her head towards him. He looked quite pathetic playing with the hem of his robe and she softened against her will but kept her gaze stern. "Sev…"

"Come on, what do you expect?" He said. "I _am_ Slytherin. We're a selfish lot."

That did it. The tip of her mouth twitched upwards and an involuntary laugh escaped taking with it the remnants of his alarm. She shook her head dismissively and Severus knew he had managed to dodge another bullet. Since even their first year, his friendship with Lily had been on shaky ground and it had grown ever more unsteady in the years that followed. He had been devastated when she'd been sorted into Gryffindor, not just because it meant they would be separated for the bulk of the term but because it was _Gryffindor._ If he had been pressed to consider it further he might have grudgingly conceded that she did possess the qualities venerated by her house but that was something he would never admit. His affection for Lily was far too great and his own house pride only allowed him to submit that she had been sorted wrongly. He'd sworn to himself, though, that the distance wouldn't make a difference and he wouldn't let the fact that she was a _Gryffindor_ come between them.

While it didn't really matter to either of them that each other was in a rival house, the students they shared dormitories with were another matter entirely. Her friends were tolerant at best and he assumed it was because she'd stuck up for him on numerous occasions when concerns were voiced. However often she defended him, he couldn't ignore the pointed glares nor could he mistake their obvious dislike for his ilk, even when they weren't vocal about it. More than once Lily had mentioned the questions their friendship raised and it always made Severus slightly panicked and queasy, as if their distaste for him might one day rub off on her. He was very keen to occupy her time away from them as much as possible; remind her on a regular basis just how deeply the roots of their friendship ran. He knew her far better and far longer than any of them could lay claim to. As silly and illogical as it might have been, it always made him feel better to know he had seniority.

If the Gryffindors were unkind to _him_, it was nothing compared to how the Slytherins viewed his relationship with _her_. They weren't exactly known for being widely tolerant of the other three houses anyway but they held special disdain for those from muggle parentage. And Lily Evans, unfortunately, was the worst kind of offender – muggle-born, proud and out-spoken about both. She might have been shy about her heritage to begin with but years of practice and a healthy self-confidence in her extraordinary skills made her realize that she was just as capable as anyone else on the grounds. Most Slytherins, with their blood-status conceit, wanted nothing more than to believe that pedigree was what determined their magical aptitude. People like Lily challenged that belief and nothing was more unforgivable than that.

Severus never knew how to reply to the snide remarks he was tossed in regards to his friendship with Lily. In all honesty, he wasn't sure he had a proper defense and usually chose to simply remain quiet in the face of offenders. It seemed as if a battle was fought inside him every time he was faced with questions – he'd been raised to believe that magic was simply _better_ if it could be traced easily through the generations and while muggle-borns weren't _bad_, per se, they were less acclaimed because of it. However he'd met Lily, grown fond of her and was forced to consider the possibility that this was all wrong and perhaps – just _perhaps_ – your family tree didn't factor in.

Of course he couldn't admit any of these thoughts to his housemates though. Blood-traitors were just as bad as the muggle-borns and voicing even the _possibility_ that one's blood didn't matter marked you as the former. And the group of Slytherins that Severus was friendly with were rather unyielding when it came to the subject of ancestry and they had no problem making their beliefs known. It had been in his first year that Lucius Malfoy, a Prefect, had interrogated a third year in their common room rather nastily about her boyfriend. Lucius, intimidating to even those whom he called friends, was downright malicious in his characteristic back-handed way to those he deemed unworthy. This young girl's relationship was called into question when it came to light that her boyfriend, a Hufflepuff, was technically muggle-born and she had been reduced to tears in front of most of the house by Lucius, Arturo Travers and Evan Rosier. Not one person made an effort to come to her aid and most of the spectators had been grinning or nodding in agreement. Severus, being new, daunted and slightly in awe of the upperclassmen, had come to the conclusion that you didn't make waves if you wanted to survive peacefully here. And if you wanted to make friends you'd better make damn sure you agreed with the majority.

It was fortuitous that Severus came into this climate of antagonism with an already wide breadth of magical knowledge. His mother had been proud of her skill (even if his father wasn't) and she was generous with her intelligence even if she wasn't quite so with her affection. In a home that was hardly warm and accepting, Eileen Snape managed to pass on to Severus one thing that made him feel special. The fact that his father was disapproving of this genetic "malady" didn't deter Severus from exploring it as much as his age would allow; indeed, the opposition that he met from his father only spurred him onwards and in a darker direction than perhaps was normal. He may not have used his curses and hexes on his abusive father but it gave him a sinister pleasure to know that he could if the situation ever called for them.

It was with this background that Severus entered Hogwarts and Slytherin. His foreknowledge of spells and enchantments gave him notoriety and moved an otherwise nameless first-year up a few notches on the food chain. He was hardly naïve but still innocent enough to treasure a relationship with Lily Evans that defied all logic and it was his budding popularity that made it possible to escape the controversy this might have caused. He was able to savor the same closeness with her that they'd had prior to Hogwarts, but as they grew older both their friends became increasingly less charitable. He knew that her fellow Gryffindors were working just as hard to convince her of this error in judgment as his Slytherins mates. And as the years wore on, things had gradually grown more and more tense. At this point, Severus had to watch every word he said, every move he made just to avoid conflict. It was exhausting sometimes but the thought of losing Lily made Severus' blood run cold, especially due to something as ridiculous as a house rivalry. This fear and the possibility that a rift would only open her up to people like Potter and Black made his relationship with Lily first priority.

'James Potter,' Severus thought, watching Lily practice a levitation spell from the seat across from him, 'doesn't deserve her in any capacity.' She was leaning casually back against the outer wall of their compartment, her lean legs stretched across the cushions, completely content in his company. After 10 years of neglect at the hands of a father who didn't want him and a mother who couldn't administer affection, Lily was the only good thing he had. He was aware that he wasn't particularly good-looking nor was he athletically inclined, and he often found it impossible to say the right thing no matter what the situation… and he was hopelessly unsociable… However, this never stopped her as a child from holding his hand or playing tag or _caring_ about him. Even now, when it was unthinkable for a Gryffindor Prefect to be lounging about, carefree, with a Slytherin fifth-year, Lily appeared completely oblivious to the abnormal nature of their friendship. The entire context was unfathomable and Severus, despite the alliances he had and the company he kept, held nothing more dear than these moments, sitting quietly and comfortably in her presence.

--------

"Bit of a nip in the air." Lily said, pulling her robes tighter as she and Severus stepped off the train several hours later. To his dismay she began looking amongst the faces, trying to find some of the friends she'd missed during the trip and while she wasn't paying attention, he cast a dark glare at a tall, stocky boy who smiled and waved in her direction. True, he'd had several hours of her uninterrupted time in their compartment but he still found himself reluctant to relinquish her to the open arms of her housemates.

"Oi! Severus!"

Severus turned. A thickset young man was clutching a sleek black trunk with one massive hand and motioning him over with the other. Severus cast a cursory glance at Lily before greeting the boy with a nod.

"Didn't see you on the train. Wondered where you been, boy."

Wide and well built, Tomas Mulciber looked menacing even by Slytherin standards. Perfect posture made his already massive six-foot frame even more imposing and the perpetual smirk and narrowed eyes only added to that effect. He was glaring down at Severus and even though his tone was jovial (for him, anyway), there was an accusatory note to it. He cast the smallest of glances at the redhead now chatting obliviously a few feet behind Severus as if to answer his own question and then turned his eyes down.

"He was busy with his Gryffindor tramp." The snide reply came from amid the crowd mulling near the platform behind him. Suellen Parkinson was one of the few Slytherins Severus had trouble stomaching in any capacity and although he'd kept his distaste to himself most of the time, he had been greatly disturbed when Tomas had begun dating her the previous fall. While she was attractive, with big blue eyes looking out over high cheekbones and thick waves of dark hair, Severus couldn't recall in the five years he'd known her ever seeing her _truly_ smile. There was a perpetual smirk of superiority that slid onto her lips so often and so easily that he wondered if she hadn't been born with it. "Licking her shoes clean were you, Snape?"

Perhaps she saw it as the supreme treason that a Slytherin should prefer the company of a girl from Gryffindor and she took offense on behalf of all the ladies in the silver and green, but she never missed an opportunity to dig Severus at Lily's expense. With a massive boyfriend at her side, Severus didn't dare say a word in defense and knew that it would only hurt his standing in his house if he did. She seemed to sense this and didn't even attempt to hide her smug satisfaction when he ignored the slur.

"Avery's Prefect I hear." He remarked, casually drawing the subject away from Lily.

"Damn good luck, wouldn't you say?" Tomas grinned, wrapping an arm around his girlfriend and giving him a look of deepest appreciation. "We're going to have it easy, ain't we?"

"I don't foresee a lot of points being deducted really." Severus chuckled, smiling despite himself. "Although this'll make it harder for him to have any fun."

"Aw, he's not going to let something like this stand in his way. Besides, what's ol' Slug gonna do? Demote him?" Tomas roared at the notion and he had to admit he had a point. The Averys were long-time friends of Professor Slughorn, and the previous generation had particularly close ties. From their very first class, Slughorn had proclaimed Milton Avery the spitting image of his father, Jameson, and was constantly making remarks about their similarities. It was no great surprise that the current Avery (who hexed anyone who called him by his given name) had ridden his father's good graces all the way to Prefect.

Satisfied with the exchange, Tomas turned his attention to a small group of Slytherins whom Severus recognized as the pair of Beaters from their house Quidditch team on which Tomas played Keeper. He greeted them raucously, for the moment forgetting Severus and leaving him, again, to himself. Severus, while mildly pleased at seeing old friends after the summer break, still had his mind elsewhere and without the suspicious eyes of his fellow Slytherins on him he began to seek out Lily after losing sight of her during the discourse.

"Have a good summer, Snivellus?"

For the second time that day the unwelcome voice of James Potter cut through the din of the crowd and in response, Severus' hackles were up in an instant. He whirled around to find a self-satisfied leer pasted on his face, as usual, an almost identical look on his companion, Sirius Black.

"Doesn't really look like it though, does it?" Black crowed before Severus could get a cut in. "Looks as if even the sun can't even stand the sight of him. He's still as pasty and pallid as ever."

"Greasy too."

Hexes and curses and the most foul words known to wizard-kind all exploded in Severus' brain but by the time he'd snatched his wand from his robes another voice joined the fray and he froze immediately.

"Oh, honestly! What is your problem, Potter?" Severus whirled around to find Lily, red-faced and angry, listening to the entire conversation from just a few feet away. James, thoroughly confused and trying to look dignified, instantly forgot the argument and gave her his full attention. Sirius, who had no overwhelming desire to impress Lily or anyone, was not mollified however and his gaze never strayed from the unattractive snarl etched on Severus' face. Indeed, he looked prepared to pick the argument back up where it was left off once James was finished tripping all over himself trying to impress Lily.

"What's that, Evans?" James asked innocently, feigning ignorance, which Severus was gratified to see Lily didn't buy.

"What malfunction in that corkboard brain of yours makes it impossible to keep your mouth shut for more than 4 seconds?" She snapped, stalking to stand in front of him, her hands on her hips. Severus opened his mouth to say something in his own defense but before he could utter a word Lily said, "5 points from Gryffindor."

"WHAT?"

Both Sirius and James gaped at her, the former looking completely red in the face. A war had been going on inside Severus' head previously and while he had been appreciative of Lily's defense he found his ego wounded as well. He was certain her new outspokenness had to do with her Prefect appointment but he couldn't help nursing his male pride and the still throbbing desire to point his wand at Potter's head and watch him wet his trousers.

But at that moment, Severus forgot his conceit and managed to throw a grin of satisfaction at Sirius over Lily's shoulder.

"You're taking points from your own house?" James sputtered indignantly, obviously torn between his longings to impress the girl and his resentment at being reprimanded in front of the person he most loathed. "We aren't even out of the station yet! Can you even _do_ that?"

"I just did, didn't I?" She scowled at them both. "Maybe next time you'll keep that sewage drain you call a mouth _shut._"

She stomped off to cool down without a glance in either of their directions. Without her presence around to hold his overwhelming immaturity at bay, James' expression went dark with rage and he glared at Severus openly.

"Impressive Potter. I have to wonder if a house has ever started off a year with negative points." He raised a mocking eyebrow. "You're breaking new ground in idiocy."

"And yet he doesn't need to have a girl fight his battles, does he?" Sirius barked back.

"No, he has you to do that for him, doesn't he?" He simpered.

The noise around them grew louder and the three reluctantly broke up as it became apparent the carriages had begun transporting their classmates up to the castle. Both Black and Potter stalked furiously towards him and rammed his shoulders as hard as they could amongst the multitude of bodies.

"See ya, Snivellus." Black muttered as he passed. Severus stumbled and was tempted, once again, to pull his wand on them but when he turned the throngs of clamoring students had swallowed them up. Eyes still dark with a raging internal storm of hatred; Severus snatched his trunk and followed the momentum. Almost immediately he realized that he'd lost sight of Lily in the scuffle as well and for the moment, James Potter and Sirius Black slipped from his mind willingly. His eyes scanned the mass for any sign of her distinctive red head but found nothing familiar. For a good ten minutes he searched but came up empty and as a good third of the student body had already departed at that point, he reluctantly was left to conclude she'd already left.

He found Tomas and Suellen waiting a few feet back from the larger crowd, and were now joined by Avery and the two Beaters. They were deep in conversation and keen not to be overheard but when Tomas spotted him he gave that frightening grin and waved him into the huddle.

"The one-eyed witch? Are you sure?" Suellen asked, looking skeptically at Avery.

"Yes, and it's 'effin perfect." Avery gave a sneer that was supposed to be a smile. "Right into Hogsmeade."

"How'd you find out about it?" Evan Rosier asked looking a bit impressed despite himself.

"My uncle. Told me over the holiday." He let out a laugh. "Says he used to take his girlfriend there after everyone else was in bed."

But whatever it was Avery had discovered beyond that, Severus didn't hear. Ten feet from him a group of squealing girls were boarding the horse-less carriage and among them was the lithe frame of Lily Evans, her hair aflame from the passing lanterns lining the station. Mid-laugh she cast her eyes in his direction and caught his gaze, her manner dampening a bit at what much have been a crestfallen expression on his face. She gave a half-hearted wave and smile before turning her back on him and returning to the conversation.

Deflated, Severus revisited the banter still going between his friends, none of whom appeared to have noticed his momentary lapse in focus. He was silently relieved until his eyes met those steely blue orbs of Suellen Parkinson and his face fell; her own features were unreadable but he knew in an instant she had witnessed the momentary exchange between he and Lily. And while she could hardly say anything at the present time without sounding juvenile, Severus was quite certain she was not going to let the incident pass without making him pay. The question was just how much she would ask of him.

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Author's Notes: Nothing to see here, move along now...


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** First off, thanks to the few reviewers! My editor and I _are _pretty _xHARDxCOREx_ when it comes to research and I myself have a tendency to go through each chapter nine or ten times to make sure it's accurate. I'd like to say it's because I just want it to be the best it can be, but I'm just anal retentive. :)

In response to some questions that were posed that I'm sure others might have, Suellen is Pansy's aunt on her father's side. Obviously Pansy will have spent some time with her paternal family because she's got some very familiar characteristics. ;)

I did make a personal choice in making Lily a Prefect - I realize that it is not explicitly said nor is it necessarily implied. However I took some creative license since it is not stated specifically _otherwise, _either. I think what we see of her in canon (however little that may be) would uphold this particular character choice. If you don't agree, that's fine. This story isn't here to convince you otherwise - just entertain you. If it doesn't, then feel free to click the back button and find one that does. :) There are 300,000 Harry Potter fanfics alone - I'm sure one will suit your fancy.

I think that's it for now. Enjoy and please review if you have something to say!

**DISCLAIMER: The characters do not belong to me, but I do claim authorship of the story itself. **

* * *

**Becoming**

**Point Blank Fuchelli**

Chapter Two

"Alright Severus?"

It was late October and the Hogwarts castle seemed brittle with cold. The dungeon dormitory was particularly frigid and the massive stone fireplace was roaring from very early in the morning until the last person retired in the evening. At the moment, several fifth years were huddled in the leather chairs, most pouring over the latest Charms essay, Severus among them. Tomas took a seat to his left and pulled at his own bag with the pretense of joining the studying, slapping Severus hard on the back in greeting. As he did, Tomas leaned over his paper and scoffed.

"Are you still working on that?" He said, a hint of conceit in his voice. "Sue knocked mine off Monday."

"How wonderful for you." Severus drawled in reply. "That doesn't help the rest of us, unfortunately."

Tomas shrugged, unbothered, and propped his massive feet up on the dark cherry wood of the coffee table. He hefted what appeared to be a book from the Restricted Section of the library into his lap and flipped it open at random. Curious but trying not to appear so, Severus tried, in vain, to catch a glimpse of the title out of his periphery. It was odd, for many reasons, that Tomas Mulciber was using his free time to read and even more peculiar that the text he was now immersed in was not an assigned one. Severus fought the urge to inquire as to just _what_ he was doing. For Tomas was a boy who did not appreciate even friendly advances let alone suspicious ones. Besides, the very peculiarity of the situation made Severus wonder if this wasn't, indeed, a blatant attempt to garner attention, in which case Severus wouldn't need to pry with questions because Tomas would make his intentions known in due course.

"Eh up, Tom."

Without much ceremony Avery pulled up alongside a chair occupied by a hefty second year and ordered her out. She obeyed with a yelp and scurried to the tables farther from the fire. Avery gave a gleeful smile to both of them as he slumped into the vacancy and tossed a folded newspaper onto the table amidst them.

"Good news for once, boys."

Tomas sat up and snatched at The Daily Prophet, looking skeptical. His eyes scanned the front page briefly before giving a disappointed grunt and handing it to Severus. He took it but kept his eyes on the other two and Tomas slid back into his seat. "So?"

Severus gave a cursory glance at the paper in hands, the title of which read "Rash Of Deaths Unrelated Says Ministry Representative," and then turned his attention back to Avery, who was looking slightly exasperated.

"_So?_ Are you daft?" He exclaimed. "Seven murders in seven days! And Ivan says that the entire Ministry is turning itself on its head trying to deal with it!" Tomas shrugged, not seeing the significance; Avery groused in annoyance before spelling it out. "Tom, _they were all muggle-borns._"

Tomas's eyes got wide while a small, sly smile spread over his features. He turned a darkened face to Avery, who was looking right satisfied with himself. "How d'you know that?"

"Ivan's father works in the Ministry, doesn't he?" He said and laughed without much humor. "Says Magical Law Enforcement has been in chaos all week trying to track down who's behind it, although it wasn't until the third one turned out to be a mudblood that anybody started connecting the dots."

"It sounds like the Ministry isn't entirely convinced there _are_ any dots to connect." Severus interrupted, almost absently, now skimming the text with some interest. Avery regarded him with mounting frustration and exhaled loudly.

"'Course they aren't going to _announce_ that." He jeered. "There's nary a mention of the fact that they were all muggle-born because it'd be hard to convince anyone with half a brain that it's just a coincidence. Trying not to start a panic, I suppose."

"Obviously someone's caught on though, haven't they?" Tomas said. "Otherwise Wormsgau wouldn't be making the denials front page news."

"Exactly." Avery was smug, now fully understood, and relaxed back into the cushions. "Personally, I think someone wants the truth out there, y'know?"

"I would." Tomas stated simply. A contemplative silence fell over the three again, each one mulling on the information privately.

In the two months since the term started, things had grown steadily tenser although Hogwarts was isolated enough to make it less palpable to the inhabitants tucked inside. The impenetrable walls of the castle combined with the singularly self-centered minds of teenagers kept the atmosphere free of any deep apprehension, but even the thickest skull couldn't remain ignorant forever.

Severus stared down at the paper still in his hand and let his eyes graze the columns negligently. Just below the denial from the Ministry was the related article on the most recent death, a shopkeeper in Hogsmeade whose name was conspicuously missing. It revealed pathetically little about the incident but didn't fail to repeat the denunciation that it was "not believed to be linked to any recent events however similar or familiar the details may appear." Avery was correct it seemed; there was indeed some attempt at a cover-up.

Severus wasn't thick; he was quite aware of the politics of the period. More than any of the other houses Slytherin was involved in the affairs of the wizarding world; many of the family names there were as ancient as magic itself and they felt it was their duty to make certain it stayed pure. Of course "purity" was highly subjective and was contested frequently by just about all members of the magical community each side just as vehement as the other.

There was a squeak of fabric and a rustling of parchment. Two students departed the common room, maybe in order to arrive early for the Halloween feast. Beside him, Tomas was again engrossed in that large volume perched on his lap although Severus could see a small smirk flicker over his lips every so often as if his mind were elsewhere for the moment. His essay, now almost completed, was in front of him but he was certain that all the interruptions had lowered the quality considerably. With the conversation between his friends now over and both companions engaged in other activities Severus decided to go elsewhere for help.

* * *

"I might have known." 

Lily gave a chuckle and pushed the stack of papers she was marking away from her. Severus wondered if grading was part of normal Prefect duties or if it was simply something McGonagall entrusted only to her. Somehow he couldn't imagine any professor, Slughorn included, trusting Avery with such a task. "Well, let's have it then."

Severus took the chair across the table and slid his essay in front of her. She was silent except for the occasional quill scratching or murmur of agreement and he watched her patiently making corrections and writing suggestions, her thick hair draped like a blanket over one shoulder, ink smudges across both hands. Every so often she'd brush a stray strand from her cheek or rub her nose adding black splotches among the freckles. A grin itched at the corners of his mouth and a small laugh escaped as he exhaled. A second later she finished and set her quill down with a flourish.

"There. Not bad really, Sev." She said and then frowned. "What? What are you smiling at?"

"You're a mess, you are." He gestured to her hands and then her face. She caught sight of her fingers and then joined his amusement with her own, laughing sheepishly. "Very attractive, really." The words slipped out before he could stop them and a slight blush bloomed on his face. Lily didn't appear to notice though as she dug through her bag for a handkerchief, still giggling, and Severus masked his embarrassment by making a scene of reading over her ideas.

"That should be fine the way you had it." She said, wiping her hands on a hankie. "All the mechanics were correct, at least. You just have a tendency to be vague when you should really learn to just spit out what you're trying to say."

He nodded and sat back. Lily looked at the clock and groaned audibly.

"Bugger. I'm going to have to miss the feast if I want to get these finished by tomorrow." She sighed wearily and reached once again for the stack of underclassmen essays.

"That's what you get for being so bloody dependable." He chided. She glanced up from the paper she was poised to mark and gave him a limp smile. "Absolutely no fun at all."

"Blatant falsehood." She retorted, feigning haughtiness. "I have loads of fun."

"Really? Not much that I've seen so far and we've only been back two months." He paused and let a touch of sincere indignation seep into his voice. "In fact, I've hardly seen _any_ of you."

"Well, being Prefect keeps me busy. McGonagall expects a lot of Remus and I." She stopped as she saw the look on his face and added, "It's nothing personal, Sev." She stated it simply but Severus didn't miss the tiniest bit of annoyance.

"So what _is_ all this mythical 'fun' you claim to be having?" He asked, determined to change the subject.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She said being deliberately coy and turned back to her grading. "It's not like I'm keeping a diary of my exploits." She looked up and her eyes were bright with laughter, all previous irritations forgotten. "Of which there are many. Many, _many_."

"Yes, I'm sure you're raising hell when you aren't busy playing Hall Monitor." He added dryly. "Been keeping books from the library past their due date?" She smirked and her eyes gleamed mischievously, papers all but abandoned in front of her.

"I'm number one on Pince's 'Most Grievous Offenders' list." Lily leaned in conspiratorially as if the stacks of books might overhear. "I'm a _rebel_."

"I always said you should've been Slytherin."

She grimaced. "Please. I have far too much…" she started but was interrupted as her elbow clipped the inkwell and a thick puddle of dark ink stretched hastily over the table. "Damn damn damn!" She moaned and they both jumped up as if jinxed unexpectedly, pushing papers from the reach of the growing stain. Black tinged the unfortunate few essays she couldn't get to in time and Severus' own Charms assignment sopped up a fair amount. Lily moaned and clenched a dripping mass in between two fingers.

"Well, this is just lovely."

"Not to worry Lil, it'll be fine. We'll fix it." Severus reassured her although he eyed his own parchment uncertainly. "Too bad I'm terrible with those domestic spells…"

"Mummy didn't teach you to bewitch sponges and transfigure garbage?" Lily kidded as she pulled out her wand and began draining the excess ink. He glowered, wrinkling his nose as if he'd smelled something foul.

"Yes of course. Right after our trips to the shore but before we roasted bangers over an open fire."

Lily laughed despite his acid-laden tone.

"My father would sooner swallow needles than let my mother _use_ those spells, let alone teach them to me." He was now holding his paper at arms length, attempting to use the same wand-work she had with less impressive results. The ink began to dry, leaving large blots behind and he grumbled under his breath.

"Well, you certainly knew more coming into school than I did so you must have been taught something." She said, stacking her clean sheets on the table. "Here Sev, let me…" She tutted gently and shook her head, reaching out. Severus gave her a grateful look, if somewhat abashed, and brushed his hair from his eyes.

"I assure you all my lessons were self-learned." He said. His voice was wry but his eyes were soft as he watched her gingerly clean his nearly ruined text easily. Fingers moved nimbly over the surface in complicated patterns and low incantations whispered under her breath caused the blemishes to disappear entirely. Severus was stirred by the simplicity of it although he wasn't sure why and he found his face blushing crimson again as she handed it back to him.

"There. Now put that some place safe before I get the chance to tear it to bits or set it on fire." She said just a moment before she yelped out a giggle. He was taken aback but she pointed to his forehead, chuckling. "I see how easily that happens, now."

Severus glanced down and found an excess of blank ink on his left hand and understood. Touching his brow with clean fingers, he laughed despite himself. Absently he rubbed his left hand across the folds of his robe and succeeded in smearing it farther up his arm. Lily was sniggering as she pulled out the hankie still slightly soiled with the ink from her own fingers and took a step closer. The laughter died instantly on his lips with Lily less than a breaths' distance from him, the dexterous hands he had just been admiring privately now kneading the skin firmly just above his eyebrow.

Her eyes were focused just above his own and he was vaguely glad her attention was diverted although how she could miss the furious pounding of his heart he didn't know; the sound of blood pumping with each successive beat was deafening. But even that seemed to grow distant with the gentle massage of her warm fingertips. Her other hand gripped his chin tenderly, holding him steady and tilting his face downwards. Severus' gaze was fastened to her lips and the slow, steady exhalation coming from them. She smelled faintly of peaches and mint.

It might have lasted an hour or two but it felt like an instant before the pressure of her fingers disappeared and she turned his chin upwards to look at her. She smiled and glanced over her handiwork. Severus realized he'd been holding his breath but as long as her skin was next to his he imagined that he wouldn't be able to force his lungs to contract.

"We're kind of a matched set now, aren't we?" She said softly as she finally stepped back and drew her touch away. Air rushed through his nostrils and warmth flooded the spot her fingers had rested, knocking him back into reality. He felt the urge to cough and suppressed it.

The large clock on the far side of the library chimed six times, further jarring the moment and they both jumped. She looked at it reflexively and muttered under her breath.

"You're going to miss the feast. You should go – I'm not going to be very good company." She said gesturing to the stack of papers still left to mark. She looked genuinely sorry and from this he was mollified, if only a little.

"You're going to sit in the library all by yourself? On Halloween?"

"I don't have much of a choice, do I?" She shrugged. Severus looked around, thoughtful, until an idea struck him.

"Why don't I bring something up? From the feast, I mean." He offered; she raised an eyebrow. "You can't just skive off dinner, Lil." She was hesitant.

"Pince'll bludgeon you if you're caught."

He shrugged. "Won't be." She gave him a big smile and finally nodded.

"Thanks, Sev."

Her tone was a bit uncertain, as if she wasn't sure what to make of the offer and it made her a bit shy… and he couldn't be sure in the dim lights of the library, but he could have sworn her cheeks were a bit pinker. He ducked his head, snatching his bag from the table and slung it over his shoulder, suddenly awkward.

"Right then. Be back in a bit." He turned to leave.

"Don't forget the pudding!"

Severus departed the library while a smile crept, unknowingly, onto his lips.

* * *

The hallways were dead silent as Severus made his way back to the library less than thirty minutes later, canvas bag tucked snugly under his arm. It was warm from the various foodstuffs he'd retrieved from the house elves in the kitchens and, although he had tried to make it otherwise, still quite conspicuous. If anyone were to stumble upon him at the moment it would be quite obvious he wasn't hauling books around. Luckily for him however it was a holiday and the entire population inside the castle had congregated inside the Great Hall. 

Well, almost the entire population.

Severus saw them half a minute before they noticed him and for a brief second he entertained the possibility of tailing Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. To be away from the feast was practically unfathomable for most students and it wasn't until he remembered his _own_ reasons for declining to attend that he decided against the surveillance.

Just as they were about to turn a corner fifteen meters in front of him, Sirius gave a cursory glance in all directions and caught sight of Severus in an instant. He stood erect reflexively; surprised at being seen, but his expression turned jovially malicious when he recognized the curtains of black hair and defiant, proud gaze.

"Well well well, if it isn't little Snivelly." His head gave a snap of acknowledgement in Severus' direction and he took a few slow deliberate steps towards him abandoning Remus who had yet to see the distraction. "Taken up stalking, I see?"

Severus' eyes narrowed and he gripped the bag tighter in quiet fury. "As if anyone would be enticed to follow you, Black. One would find themselves in the lavatory for hours on end watching you do your hair."

"Perhaps you _ought_ to take up the hobby then, because you could obviously use the tips."

"I have better things to do with my time than…"

"Sirius!" Remus had finally noticed the sidetrack his companion had taken and had reeled around. "We don't have time for this!" He hissed, looking alarmed, but Sirius barely heard him.

"Better things? Really? You do?" He mocked Severus with wide eyes and an innocent expression. "What, pray tell, is Severus Snape spending his time with other than furious, hard-core wanking or sticking that great road-obstruction he calls a nose into the business of others?"

Sirius stood less than a meter from Severus and crossed his arms over his chest, a smirk growing on his features. The muscles in Severus' arm twitched and he was frustrated by the fact that his wand was stuffed into the pocket of his book bag and far out of reach. He'd have to drop the canvas bag stuffed with food in order to have even a chance at grabbing it and that would be unfortunate. It'd already been a half hour since he'd left Lily in the library.

"Sirius!" Remus barked eyeing the darkening windows with trepidation. "Damn it now is not the time! Let's _go._" In a rare moment of independence, Remus growled in frustration and stalked off alone down the corridor leaving the opponents to their own devices.

"Yes, run along. You wouldn't want Lupin to be forced to take points away, would you?" He scolded. "I'm sure you've got some toilet that needs blowing up or a bag of poo that needs to be set aflame." For a second Sirius was stalk still, as if contemplating his words and then suddenly his eyes flickered almost imperceptibly. He cast a hasty look at the retreating back of Remus and leaned in further.

"Wouldn't you like to know, eh Snivellus?" He said with barely masked contempt. "Don't think we haven't seen you, James and I, following us like some pathetic, oily blood hound. You aren't as clever or sly as you might think so don't strain anything patting yourself on the back."

"A rich family or mediocre Quidditch record does not put you or your little Potter pal above the rules the rest of us abide by. This school is not your kingdom and we are not your subjects."

"Which is a pity, because you'd be the first to be dumped unceremoniously outside the territory walls if it were. Simple hygiene would be a requirement."

"One day you're going to be knocked on your bony arse, Black, and I hope to God I'm the one who does it!"

"You are entirely too focused on my arse, Snivellus, and I find that not only disturbing but _disgusting._" He got a knowing smile and stood upright. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had some unhealthy fixation on Gryffindor arses." His meaning was as plain as the unpleasant smile on his face. Anger simmered into boiling hot fury and it was difficult to tell if the blotchy redness covering Severus' cheeks was caused by embarrassment or rage. Both were powerful motivating factors.

"Just you wait, Black... One day, I'll…" He spluttered incoherently. Sirius laughed, not frightened in the least.

"You'll what? Teach me a lesson?" He sneered. "Well, why wait Snivelly? I'm here now." There was a pause and the tension hung around them, as Sirius seemed to hold onto his next words for maximum effect. "Or better yet, take a trip down to Willow tonight and we'll see which of us is taught a lesson."

"Why on earth would I do that?" Severus spat. There was a dangerous gleam in Sirius' dark eyes that anyone else would have been terrified by. Black and Potter and their two sycophants were notorious pranksters and Severus was a favorite target possibly above all others.

"Bloody interesting, don't you think?" He got a half-smile on his face, highly amused by something unclear to Severus. "'Specially at night. You never know what you'll find."

"What are you talking about?" Severus was eyeing him warily but his interest was, despite the source, piqued.

"Nice night for a stroll; full moon even." Sirius' expression turned innocent. "Wouldn't even need Lumos, I should think."

"What…" Severus started.

"Must be careful, though, of course. You never know what might be crawling around outside. All manner of dark creatures come out. Wouldn't want you to get hurt, Snivelly."

"Well, as hard as it is for you, do try to stay out of trouble, eh?" Sirius clapped him roughly on the shoulder with a self-satisfied grin but Severus missed it completely. His brain was too busy churning out scenarios to take notice as Sirius turned the same corner his friend had just minutes prior, practically shaking with suppressed laughter.

Severus stood motionless for almost an entire minute, his ears buzzing with unformed words. He still clutched the canvas sack possessively but he'd all but forgotten the mission his heart had him on just moments ago. Now, his senses were rallying for action of a different kind.

Severus and James Potter had been waging war ever since their first year at Hogwarts and it only escalated as they got older and bolder. At 11 years old they talked a lot of trash but were too timid and afraid of the consequences to do much else; summers came and went though and both parties took greater risks in their pranks. They remained _pranks_, however, until the fateful day Severus caught Potter and Black dumping slugs in Lily's bag during Potions their fourth year. He'd been livid on her behalf even though she'd always been more than capable of defending herself. Still, he vowed to keep a closer watch on the pair. What he discovered, aside from a disgusting disregard for rules and regulations, was an increasing focus on Lily. And Severus had a good idea what the motivation behind that attention was. Despite her repeated insults and castigations, James Potter had a crush on Lily Evans.

For all appearances, she didn't return the fancy but it was not something Severus was likely to take lying down. What bothered him most was not that Potter thought himself deserving, but that almost the entire rest of the castle seemed to agree. Moderate marks in class and a prowess on the Quidditch field were enough to impress the simple-minded masses and Potter's already swollen head only increased in size because of this.

What Severus feared the most was that Lily's common sense might one day falter and she too would succumb to Potter's inexplicable charm.

Out the great windows that lined the hall Severus could see the twilight beginning and, as Sirius had said, the full moon growing more and more visible as the sky turned inkier. Though the mounting darkness made it difficult, he could barely make out two figures heading south of the grounds. Beyond them the willow stood erect and, apparently not sensing any approaching danger, stock-still.

Logic told him it could all be folly but he had a persistent itch when it came to revealing James Potter for the sham he earnestly believed him to be. There was a recklessness about this that Sirius alone was known for and that belied an absence of time required to weave a convoluted yearn. If there was any truth beneath the mire, Severus was sure he could use it to his advantage.

Without a chance to consider the ramifications sensibly, Severus made an impetuous decision. He threw the bag behind a nearby suit of armor and dashed towards the nearest exit off the Great Hall.

* * *

The Whomping Willow swayed slightly in a cool wind. The grass came to just above Severus' ankles as he padded swiftly towards the tree in a brisk jog. It had remained stationary for the twenty minutes or so that he'd watched it get larger as it drew closer. Not even a slight twinge of its branches belied any previous trespasser which led him to believe that no one had arrived ahead of him or they had done so quite awhile before. 

The heavens were officially hosting the night sky now and it looked even blacker as it played backdrop to the stark and pale moon. So far from the city, the evenings were less dense with noise and Severus could hear the leaves barely moving in the draft but could catch no clamor of feet. This was good, for it meant he hadn't been followed, but it also seemed to imply _he_ hadn't followed anyone either. What he was looking for he didn't know, but he'd assumed it had something to do with a student – specifically one of Potter's crew of miscreants. He stopped to catch his breath just a bit from the base of the tree not daring to go any closer. Staring at the branches bare from the Autumn chill, he cursed.

Severus knew the rumors – that saying certain incantations would make you impervious to the blows or that tweaking a particular branch would freeze it mid-air – but of the half-dozen or so remedies that were commonly bandied about, all seemed just as unlikely as the next. Furthermore, all he needed was one _wrong_ attempt and he'd be toast. He racked his brain for spells or enchantments that might lend themselves to the situation but he was already flustered beyond normal comprehension and not thinking straight. The only spells coming to mind were the ones he'd added to his recent Charms essay.

"Bloody hell." He muttered as his mind rested on Lily and what he'd been doing in that God forsaken corridor in the first place. What would she do when he didn't return? Was she still waiting? At least an hour had passed since he'd left her in the library; surely she'd stopped expecting him.

His heart sank desolately into his chest and he continued to stare ahead at the tree, beginning to feel foolish. This had to have been another prank and he'd played right into Black's hands. For all he knew, nothing was awaiting him out here. Perhaps that had been the ruse all along – get him out of the castle after hours and then spring a teacher or the Headmaster on him when he tried to sneak back in. There was a bitterness rising in the back of his throat. That was fairly pathetic, even by their standards, but Severus had never considered Black a formidable foe in the intelligence department.

A millisecond away from turning back, Severus was startled as the tree in front of him sprang to life. The gigantic branches swung out with such force, striking nothing but dead air and whistling as they whirled past, missing Severus by a few short meters. Confused, he stumbled backward and looked frantically around for the person who could have set it off. Through the haze of moving limbs he could see no one, not even in the distance, but there was distinct movement at the trunk of the tree. There was a shadowy hole, just big enough for a fair-sized person to squeeze through; beside it was a wooded notch and it was there that Severus saw the shifting mass again. It was an animal – a wolf or a rather large dog, by the looks of it – and it had somehow managed to escape the wrath of the tree. Severus was transfixed as he watched it raise a great paw to prod the protruding knot next to it. In an instant the immense arms of the tree halted as though petrified and Severus' curiosity turned to shock.

For a moment he was overcome with astonishment but as he watched the dog disappear into the grass and brush, he snapped himself out of it.

He didn't know how much time this fateful turn of events gave him but he didn't want to take any chances. Severus picked up his pace, stumbling on his long robes just as he arrived at the gap in the bark, and then fell to his knees. Cursing again, he scrambled through the opening on all fours in case the tree came to life again. The dog had disappeared as mysteriously as it arrived and he knew he couldn't count on another inexplicable set of circumstances should he be trapped. It occurred vaguely to him that he didn't have a way to get out without enraging the tree again but for the moment he was flushed with adrenaline at his luck. The odd conditions that led him to where he was, crawling in the pitch-black, on a dirt path under a tree, were hardly a consideration. Severus did have to admit that it all _was_ very strange; and the fact that Sirius Black of all people had suggested it should have put him more on his guard. But he didn't let those doubts plague him for long.

Now completely underground, the only light was a faint glow coming from the entrance behind him. Severus groped around for his wand and muttered "Lumos," with a voice shaky from exhilaration. A blue streak of light erupted from the tip and Severus, unable to stand upright for the moment, shoved it in his mouth and continued onward until he was far enough below the earth that he could climb to his feet.

For just a brief pause, Severus allowed himself to be awed at where he was. Hogwarts was a maze of wrong doors, moving staircases and hidden rooms, but even this was beyond what he could have expected. He turned a circle on the spot, shining the light on all 360 degrees around him. It fell on a path just behind him – the only one, apparently – and he immediately broke off into a trot down it, certain he was getting close. Close to what, he wasn't quite as certain, but it had something to do with Potter and Black and Lupin and Pettigrew. He could feel it in his bones. Maybe it's the full moon, or the way Sirius provoked him, or maybe after five years of loathing and malicious teasing he'd simply developed a sixth sense about all things James Potter. It doesn't matter how he knows, he just _does,_ and it overwhelms all logic or reason that might otherwise have tried talking some sense into him at that moment.

He walked for what seemed like hours until finally up ahead of him, barely reached by his wand light, was a crawl space with a hole at the top. Severus has been singularly focused on getting to that point but now he ceased walking, suddenly suspicious.

There were sounds now where there used to be silence in between the shuffling of his boots. Thuds and scratches, along with something akin to strangled speech were audible above him.

At this, Severus had a better idea what he was getting himself into and suspected whatever it was, it was _alive_.

For the first time that evening, Severus was actually frightened and it showed in the trembling steps he took towards the opening. Looking upward, he spied planks of wood covering the hole just above him. Cautiously he pressed his palms up and felt it swing effortlessly up and over and he stood upright.

The sounds became louder. To his left was a set of stairs and he guessed from the way the walls and ceiling were rattling that whatever he had followed here was on the second story.

Hesitantly and ready to retreat should the need arise, Severus heaved his body entirely through the opening, wand still lit and in hand. The shaking in his hands had spread throughout his body but he forced one leg in front of the other, sending the beam from his wand to and fro to inspect the area.

Before he had a chance to take even a few breaths the building got eerily quiet. The scuffling from above ceased, far too suddenly for Severus' liking, and his heart rate increased.

For a few brief moments the only sound was his ragged breathing and then suddenly there were footsteps moving tentatively on the top floor. His eyes followed the route of the sound making its way towards what must have been a door because there was a squeak of hinges and abruptly the sounds were clearer… and closer.

Severus knew he should retreat – obviously he was not meant to be here and whatever it was he had happened upon was, more than likely, not going to take kindly to intruders. The steps got slower and louder and Severus got the feeling he was being sniffed out by whatever the bloody hell he had sought here – and it was then that Severus realized _he sought this out._ Common sense had abandoned him and he'd taken the tip of a boy he not only did _not_ trust but also despised.

The danger was so palpable it could have been a separate entity, sneaking into the room uninvited, unwelcome…

"SNAPE! SNAPE, YOU COMPLETE AND UTTER ARSE!"

The shock of another human voice snapped him out of the paralysis. And then a howl unlike anything he'd ever heard before bounced around the walls and the steps increased at a frantic pace. It would be rounding the top of the stairs any second….

"What - the - bloody – _HELL _are you waiting for?!" Severus was yanked backwards by his robes and both he and his rescuer stumbled through the trapdoor gracelessly, but not before Severus saw the glint of massive, sharp teeth, eyes as wide as galleons and a matting of fur over sinews.

"Get out of the way!" James Potter screamed, scrambling over the tangle of limbs they were now in. Just above he could hear the werewolf howling as its pace quickened towards the hole they just disappeared beneath. James, in an apparent fit of idiotic bravery, stood up and grabbed for the door as it barreled nearer, and slammed it shut. There was a scraping of claws as the animal skidded to a stop, tearing at the wood, enraged at being outrun and deprived of its prey. James held the handle tightly while Severus caught his breath.

"A werewolf…"

"Yes, well spotted. It's a werewolf!" James bellowed and his glasses slid down his nose slick with sweat. "Now will you _please_ _move._" He barked. "He can still smell us down here and this door won't hold up much longer if he keeps at it!"

He didn't need to be told twice and he tripped over his own body trying to get further down the passageway. James waited until he was a good twenty meters away and gaining before he took a deep breath and sprinted behind him.

They both ran for ten straight minutes before their James' lungs gave out and he bent over, gasping for air. Severus was grateful for the reprieve but his fear diminished the further they got from the door they left back at the end of the channel and the reality sunk in. At fifteen years of age, Severus had narrowly avoided death – or, at the very least, narrowly avoided being ravaged by a werewolf – and he was now alone with James Potter who had snatched him personally from that cruel fate.

"How can they… does anyone _know_ what's up here? So close to the school?" He muttered. James stayed quiet. There was a harsh coldness emanating through his glasses and he hadn't said a thing since ordering Severus away from the threat. "Potter, how did you…"

"Does it matter?" James bit back. "I saved you. Just be grateful, you git, and keep walking."

"How can you just amble on like nothing happened?" Severus erupted, whirling around to face him. "That was a _werewolf_ and we were almost…"

"I KNOW!" James lost his patience and unceremoniously shoved Severus with all his might forward again. "Just… keep walking! I just dragged your sorry arse away from certain death, it'd be a right shame if I were to kill you for making us late in getting back."

After another fifteen minutes of hearing nothing but their own staggering footsteps, a sliver of light appeared 30 meters ahead and two voices broke through the silence. They were arguing and the sound made James tense up visibly.

"…already told you, Wormtail, _I don't bloody know!_"

"But James…"

"Yes, well, James isn't here right now, he's off playing the hero, isn't he?"

And as if struck by lightening, Severus understood. James rammed his shoulder as they reached the gap in the tree and pushed past him to emerge first. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and he looked like he'd just taken a nap on the dirt, all disheveled and soiled. James didn't look back at him but approached Sirius, his shoulders taught with resentment and frustration.

"Oh, God, Prongs…"

"Save it, Sirius."

"What in Merlin's name happened?"

"You bloody well know what happened! He went to the fucking shack, that's what happened!"

Peter was wringing his hands frantically, clearly the most distressed, and Sirius looked only mildly worried. Both converged on James the second they spotted him.

"Did anything… er, you know… happen?" Peter asked. He cast a wary look at Severus who had finally come out of the tree, and the other two gave him a grave look but continued with the conversation as if he wasn't there.

"No." James sighed. "No, thank God. He's fine." He stopped. "I mean, _it's_ not fine. He saw him and he knows now." Both James and Sirius stared at each other for a few apprehensive moments.

"Yes, I know!" Severus finally interjected, stepping forward. Something was amiss and there was definitely a piece of the puzzle that these three tossers knew that he didn't. For coming face to face with a werewolf, James Potter was surprisingly docile. "Now what the bloody hell is that _thing_ doing so close to Hogwarts? Surely the headmaster must know about it!"

"You just keep your mouth shut! You should just be glad we didn't leave you up there!" Sirius shouted indignantly.

"_Leave_ me?! You _sent_ me there! Or did you forget that, Black?" He snarled and stepped closer to the group. Peter whimpered and backed away but Sirius and James stood firm. "It's your own bloody fault that I was put in that position in the first place!"

"SHUT UP! Both of you!" James commanded. "Sirius, you were a complete… God, there isn't even a _word_ for what you are. And Snape, you sneaky little bastard, why the hell would you listen to him? Are you absolutely and completely mental?"

Silence fell over them all but Sirius and Severus stared menacingly at each other over James' shoulder. Peter was still making stifled squeaks behind the other three and James began pacing anxiously. It was then that it dawned on Severus just exactly what was absent.

"I'm quite shocked your Prefect pal didn't come to join in the fun." Severus stated dryly. "Wouldn't he enjoy taking points away for this malicious little night-time romp?"

Peter stared at the ground. James and Sirius exchanged looks. None said a word, but Severus was certain they were communicating enough without his knowledge.

"You should just shut…"

"Sirius! For God's sake, you've said enough tonight as it is! Can't you keep your trap closed for once?"

"This greasy mongrel sticks his nose where it doesn't belong and I'm not supposed to _do _anything?"

"No!" James, again, yells. "God! Haven't you learned anything from this? _Stop and think for once in your life!_ There are consequences and you nearly got us all expelled, not to mention risking Snape's life-"

"Ha!"

"_And what about Moony?_ What do you think would have happened to him if you'd let this play out?" James exhaled loudly and stared pointedly at Sirius. "What do you keep in that thick skull of yours? Sausages?"

"Moony?" Severus spat out, his brain working overtime. "What's Lupin got to do with all of this?"

At the mention of Remus, James' color went from infuriated red to ghostly pale in less than a second while Sirius just looked ill. The exchange halted unexpectedly and Severus looked from one to the other, waiting for an explanation that he suspected would never come.

"You need to just… just leave it, Snape, all right?" James sighed, exhausted at having to mediate the argument, but there was an edge to his voice still. "Just walk away and we'll do the same for once."

"Wha… _WALK AWAY?_" Severus spluttered, his face contorting in indignation. "Your lot almost gets me _killed_ – on _purpose!_ – and you expect me to pretend as if nothing happened?"

"Yes, actually, that's exactly what I expect of you, Mr. Snape."

"Not bloody like-" Severus sneered and turned to the voice, but instead of Sirius Black's foreboding eyes staring him down he was met with twinkling and serene gaze of Albus Dumbledore.

"In fact, I will expect similar promises of secrecy from you three, as well." He nodded gently in their direction, but just like Severus they seemed frozen in place, unable to affirm or rebuke.

"Perhaps you would all care to join me in my office? I believe there are matters that must be discussed."

* * *

**AN: **One thing that I've wanted - indeed, been compelled - to do since I started writing this is make a mention of the one story that has been kind of my reference point; it's what I'm "shooting for," so to speak. When I'm working on this, alongside several of the actual novels and my hand-written notes, I also have a British Slang dictionary, the Harry Potter Lexicon and The Shoebox Project open in separate windows. If you haven't checked out The Shoebox Project yet, I highly suggest you do. In fact, don't even read this any further - just go to The Shoebox Project on LJ and start at the very bottom. 

I say this _now _because I was really impressed with their version of this incident and I did keep it in mind while writing this chapter. I don't believe I infringed on their ideas or version of events, but they definitely deserve to be acknowledged for the bad mofos that they are. LadyJaida and Dorkorific have one of the most unique ideas - I had to even call it a "fanfic," because it's so much more - with hilarious dialogue, well developed characters and an engaging story.

I am not a SB/RL 'shipper by any means but I would put up with even the most repulsive 'ship if it were written this well. Check it out.

Do I sound like a fangirl? Because I am.

But I'm done.

Chapter 3 is about a third finished. Please review if you have something to say!


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: **This has been so slow in coming together. I decided to insert a canon scene (or rather, the story decided it wanted this particular scene and no matter how many monies, boobies or cakes I offered in sacrifice, it wouldn't be persuaded) and let me tell you, it's a lot harder to make a story "canon compliant" when you are inserting _actual canon_. There's also what _appears_ to be a small discrepancy between something that is said in Prisoner Of Azkaban and this particular scene. I had to decide whether to go with POA's version, the DH version or try to concoct some explanation that bridged the two, which would be the most difficult of the three. And, of course, I chose the one that meant the most work, genius that I am. Lupin, in POA, alludes to the fact that Snape knew that _he_ was the werewolf Snape stumbled upon while at Hogwarts, but the conversation Snape has with Lily in the scene from DH makes it _sound_ as if he still hasn't completely got the whole picture. My brain was severely stunted when trying to find a plausible way around that and I wrote continuously this entire time, but it usually little spurts because I was so frustrated with how to work this out.

All that aside, I'm pleased with how it turned out and I'm glad I didn't rush it. I feel bad that it took so long but the end product is over twice as long as chapter 1 and nearly that of chapter 2, so hopefully that makes up for my pace. My lone editor also got sick last week and left me high and dry for about four days, prompting me to start thinking about looking for a second or even a third. But I don't know… #1 is so good on her own, I almost don't trust a second opinion. ;P

Chapter Four has some of the material I've really been looking forward to, so I'm hoping that one will be quicker in coming. Maybe I shouldn't even say that lest I jinx myself. Ah, well, too late now.

**Disclaimer: All characters included herein are property of JK Rowling, Scholastic and Bloomsbury (and others I'm not aware of), who all kindly look the other way when we want to play in their world. This story, however, belongs to me.**

* * *

**'Becoming' **

**Point Blank Fuchelli**

Chapter Three

If the ambiance outside had been unpleasant, it was nothing compared to the overwrought tension of Albus Dumbledore's quarters.

Sirius Black, James Potter, Peter Pettigrew and Severus Snape were all seated in various states of unease opposite the headmaster himself, who appeared quite relaxed in the surroundings, given the circumstances. He peered over rimless spectacles at the quartet, a bemused expression dancing in his eyes, as if he'd caught them amidst a food fight rather than out of bounds, past curfew and fresh from a werewolf's layer.

"Now, gentlemen, if one of you would volunteer to enlighten me on why you were where you were, it will allow me to avoid prying the information out of you."

Silence. Severus, James and Sirius had obvious reasons for staying still but Peter looked rather dumbfounded, as if he had just been drug along for the ride.

"No one?" Dumbledore said and shook his head. "Well then, Severus, we shall start with you." His eyes had been glued to his lap up until that point and now he gave the considerably older man a hesitant look.

"Er…" He started. All things considered, Severus had quite a few well-chosen things to say regarding the events of the evening but he knew that none of them would be received kindly from his classmates sitting beside him, much less Dumbledore.

"It's all right, Severus," he nodded evenly. "Please begin," Dumbledore said these last words in the same calm voice he was known for but in such a way Severus understood that it was not so much a request as a command.

"Well, sir," he began after clearing his throat, "I was in the hall earlier, um, during the feast and found Black and Lupin..."

"Spying is more like it," Sirius muttered under his breath and Severus chanced a violent glare in his direction for the first time since they'd entered the office.

"I was not…" He started automatically but Dumbledore held up a hand.

"Mr. Black, you had the chance to offer your side of the story first and you chose silence. Please show some respect."

Sirius looked as if Dumbledore had asked him to eat raw Gillyweed but his refutations ceased for the moment.

"Continue."

"I was accosted, without provocation, by Black while on my way to the library. He made some rather choice comments about various aspects of my appearance," Severus said snidely, pointedly avoiding Sirius' glare. "Then suggested that I take a trip to the Whomping Willow, making it a point to mention the fact that it was a full moon, which I should think makes it obvious he _knew_ what I was going to find and what would likely be the outcome."

"Yes, a logical assessment to make," Dumbledore nodded. "However, let us not make hasty assumptions about the views and motivations of others, Mr. Snape. Especially when the parties in question have not yet had a chance to defend themselves."

Severus felt his cheeks burn at the reprimand and turned his eyes back to his lap. "Thank you, Mr. Snape. And now, Mr. Black, since you seem most eager now to say your piece, please enlighten us as to your version of the events."

"Well, Professor Dumbledore – sir – I was walking through the south corridor with Remus – Remus Lupin, sir – when I saw Snape tailing behind us, not saying a word. And I've seen him before, trying to follow us, probably a dozen times for no good reason!" Sirius began to gain momentum and Severus fought the urge to interrupt with his own denials and rebuttals, but he kept his fists clenched in his lap. "So, really, all I did was – basically – tell him to mind his own business. He has no reason to…"

"Please try to keep to the matter at hand, Mr. Black," Dumbledore said, still calm and smooth. "The most pressing question, it would seem, would be whether or not you did, indeed, suggest that Mr. Snape leave the castle after hours and attempt to get past the Willow."

Sirius' mouth snapped shut and he looked, to his credit, abashed for the first time all evening, though Severus suspected it was more due to being caught rather than guilt. He inhaled deeply and, without making eye contact, nodded slowly.

"Yes sir."

"Thank you." Dumbledore said quietly. Rather than ranting loud castigations, the elderly man's voice got very small and tight; it was as if it consumed every effort to control it.

"Mr. Potter, I would now like to hear about your involvement," he said, turning those penetrating eyes to James unceremoniously. The younger man fidgeted, trying to avoid his stare.

"Well, er, I was on my way back from the feast when I ran into Sirius outside the portrait hole." At this point, he cast his eyes to Sirius on his left and paused, apparently deliberating something. "He – well, he mentioned that he _might_ have, um, told Snape something about the Willow and how to get past it…"

"No," Snape interjected reflexively. "He didn't –"

"Mr. Snape, _please,_" Dumbledore said, clearly getting aggravated by all the interruptions.

"And, well, sir… I couldn't, you know…" He stopped, censored himself and stumbled over his phrasing. "I mean, it's dangerous and stupid… and he _should_ have been smart enough not to listen to Sirius because Sirius _loathes_ him and the feeling is more than mutual, so why in bloody hell would he think anything Sirius would tell him to do is a good idea?"

"That is a valid point, Mr. Potter, and one that I will follow up on, I assure you." He paused and then turned to Peter, who practically jumped ten feet in the air. Out of the four of them, he seemed the most distressed and yet had played the smallest part. Severus rolled his eyes. "Mr. Pettigrew, it seems that you might have just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, am I correct?"

"Well, when James ran off I, um, followed him. To see if, you know, anything had happened to Re-"

"PETE!" Sirius bellowed, shooting him a look of pure death. Peter turned 19 different shades of purple in the span of about 3 seconds before clamming up.

"Quite understandable," Dumbledore nodded and then clasped his hands together over his desk, giving each of them a piercing glare before continuing. "Is there anything else pertinent to the situation?"

"Um, sir…" Severus began nervously. He'd been safe from harm for almost an hour now and the entire episode was beginning to sink in. With his wits about him once again, he was reviewing all the details and something refused to add up. "The werewolf…?"

"Yes, Mr. Snape, well-informed as I am about the goings-on at my school, I am aware of the matter."

"But… Professor, sir, I can't-."

"Mr. Snape-"

"It's a _werewolf._"

"Yes, I know that."

"But the school – the students…!"

"Mr. Snape – _Severus_ – please."

It was the first time he'd ever seen the headmaster uncertain. He appeared deep in thought with his eyes closed, drawing in steady breaths. Less than a minute later his lids opened again but rather than addressing Severus, he instead turned to James, Sirius and Peter in turn.

"I believe that it will be impossible to keep this secret any longer, at least from Mr. Snape."

"Sir, no!"

"The whole school'll know by morning!"

Again Dumbledore held up a hand. James and Sirius fell quiet yet appeared disgruntled and, Severus was taken aback to see, fearful.

"I do hope you will put more trust in me than you do Mr. Snape. It is unfortunate that he has become privy to this sensitive information, but what is done you cannot undo. We must now work to repair the damage." Dumbledore turned to Sirius before adding, "And before you protest too hard, Mr. Black, I suggest you keep in mind who it is that put him in the position that provided such an opportunity.

"Mr. Snape is, however, an intelligent young man and he has been given enough information tonight to put two and two together if afforded enough time. I think it rather prudent that he be entrusted with the entire story from someone close to the source so that it can be impressed upon him how important secrecy is."

Sirius looked properly abashed and James stayed still but unbelieving. Peter, apparently, hadn't blinked for 5 minutes and appeared about to wet himself. Severus had the entire night laid out in his mind's eye, with bits missing like a jigsaw puzzle, and he waited hungrily for the entire scene to be complete. If it had Potter and Black on such tenterhooks it must have been big.

"The werewolf you saw tonight, Mr. Snape, is a student at Hogwarts."

"A… a student?" Dumbledore nodded.

"I believe you are familiar with Remus Lupin?" He cocked his head benignly to the side.

Severus was stunned into incoherence. "That's …_Lupin?_" Again, he nodded.

"An unfortunate accident in his youth, I'm afraid, left him with this particular malady." His voice was tinged with sadness as he spoke. "Hogwarts has always prided itself on being a haven for students from all walks of life and there is no reason to exclude Mr. Lupin provided we offer the proper provisions."

"But… the others… It's unsafe!"

"Mr. Lupin is no more a threat than any other student on the grounds, save for three nights out of each month. During those few hours, Mr. Lupin is escorted out of harms way and out of reach."

Severus, while trying to remain respectful, saw a gaping hole in this arrangement.

"Professor Dumbledore – _sir_ – obviously tonight-."

"Unfortunately, the biggest uncertainty in any experiment is the introduction of new variables, particularly ones that can think for themselves. Mr. Black exemplified this aspect tonight. Therefore, the flaw is not with the plan itself but with Mr. Black in particular and will be dealt with thusly."

Severus couldn't help it – he looked over at Sirius, who couldn't have appeared more startled if Dumbledore had pointed his wand directly at his face. He smirked.

"Mr. Snape, the world is not nearly so kind to those who are different. Whether or not we can help the things that separate us from our fellow man makes no difference in the long run. It will not be trouble-free outside the sheltered walls of Hogwarts for even those who blend in easily and much less so for those who garner attention. For this reason, I choose to give Mr. Lupin the chance to live as normal a life as possible, for as long as it is in my power to do so." The sentiment was compassionate and still his tone was firm so that the others understood that these were instructions to be followed without question. There was a pause as the Headmaster allowed his words to settle before continuing.

"It would be my hope that this needn't be said, however I feel it must be abundantly clear and so I take the risk of sounding repetitive. The last thing I want is for a problem to arise in the future because I made implications when I should have been making statements.

"This school is under the authority of the Governors and myself. With the exception of one or two, this does not include the parents or family members of students nor does it include the students themselves. The circumstances regarding Mr. Lupin's condition and the special accommodations he requires have been discussed at length between the parties responsible for this institution. We agreed that it was within everyone's best interest to keep the matter private and strictly on a 'need to know' basis; the potential for widespread paranoia, prejudice and panic was too great to make the information public.

"Mr. Lupin chose to personally tell his friends about his being bitten and they've kept his secret out of respect. I ask you to do the same thing, Mr. Snape, however I do so because it is not your story to tell and, quite simply, because I am your superior for the next two and a half years. I have a certain right to expect obedience."

Severus listened and stubbornly held onto the gaze of the older man without interrupting. As soon as Dumbledore had admitted prior knowledge to the beast he'd been expecting to hear something like this, but it was still just as hard to swallow as it would have been, had he not such foresight.

"All four of you have become privy to the same information and I therefore expect you all to follow the same rules. The decision to house and educate Mr. Lupin at Hogwarts is completely and unarguably under the jurisdiction of its governing body, and although you may possess the same knowledge on the matter, it does not necessarily allow you the same liberties. To disclose it without permission is grounds for permanent expulsion."

There was a quiet unlike the awkward tension that had filled the room before. Severus could tell by the identical looks of shock on the other three faces next to him that they were just as surprised as he by the severity of the punishment they would face if a careless word were to slip. Apparently Potter and his pals had been keeping the secret based solely on Lupin's request alone and this was the first they were hearing of just how deeply entrenched Hogwarts was in the situation.

"Now!" Dumbledore exclaimed, clapping his hands together and adopting a less severe expression. "I believe there is only one thing left to cover before you're dismissed to your Houses." His eyes twinkled in a way unbefitting of the next words he uttered. "Your respective punishments."

* * *

"Oh God, brilliant Tom!" 

The common room was sparsely populated as Severus entered it and the bulk of its occupants were clustered together near the fire, though it seemed not just for the warmth. Tomas was at the center of the crowd, regaling them with something apparently quite entertaining.

"_Purple_, I swear – it was bloody beautiful."

Fresh peals of laughter erupted from the dozen or so students mingling about at this and Severus, mildly curious and wanting something to take his mind off of his own exploits, joined the outskirts of the group and caught Tom's eye.

"Severus!" He bellowed, reaching through a few shoulders and pulling him in. "Severus, where in hell were you? Can't _believe_ you missed all the fun." Several people nodded or nudged each other; among them were Avery and Wilkes, and the absolutely towering seventh year Rodolphus Lestrange. The four of them were notorious for getting away with the most outlandish practical jokes and it was no big shock that they had planned a rather large one for Halloween. Severus wondered who the poor bloke on the receiving end had been.

"Sorry," he muttered, giving a half-hearted shrug. He was suddenly glad that his mates were known for being self-absorbed. They didn't press him further when there was a bit more bragging to be done.

"Honestly, those Gryffindors are pathetically trusting. It was pitiful how easy it was to lure one out," Wilkes chimed in.

"Well, I've never known a Gryffindor to be anything _but_ pathetic or pitiful," came a feminine voice amongst the gruff chatter. "Have you, Snape?"

Somehow Severus always avoided seeing Suellen until the shrill lilt of her voice managed a well-placed slur and forced his eyes to her own. And even though the rest of his mates didn't approve of Lily, they never really caught on how much she meant to him. But Suellen was a girl and a clever one at that; she wasn't fooled. Every sentence she directed at Severus dripped with a backhanded aggression he understood far too well. Not directly involved in the mischief-making with her boyfriend, Suellen was sitting on the edge of the stone fire-place, pretending to listen dutifully and laughing in all the right places but her eyes darted every so often to Severus.

"Really, they'll talk about this one for decades, they will," Avery said. He gave Tomas a hard, approving thump on the back but the larger boy's frame hardly moved. "We should leave the pictures somewhere so that future generations can one day stumble upon 'em and marvel at our acumen."

"Pictures?" Severus queried, suddenly a bit more interested. "_Don't_ tell me you were thick enough to take pictures."

"'Course we took pictures!" Avery beamed, presenting Severus with a padded envelope.

"Sue let us have her camera for the evening," Tomas grinned, but behind him Suellen scowled openly.

"_Sue_ didn't know you were going to be at the top of the Owlery," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "That camera costs 200 galleons and my mum would skin me alive if –."

"Aw, stuff it! We got it back to you didn't we?" Avery sneered, rolling his beady little eyes. "Not a scratch on it."

"That's not the point, _Milton – _I asked, specifically –"

"I swear to God, if you call me that _one-more-time, _you two-sickle slag –"

"_HEY_."

All six feet of Tomas Mulciber were now staring down at the much less impressive shape of the Slytherin Prefect who'd dare utter the derogatory affront and the latter seemed to suddenly grasp what he'd just done. The camaraderie of the previous night paled in comparison to whomever one were snogging at the time. Avery, who managed to look kempt but sinister, was perpetually preoccupied with things _other_ than hormones and didn't quite comprehend what it was that got a hold of his mates. Still, he wasn't so dim that he didn't seize an appropriately apologetic simper to avoid the wrath of the larger boy.

With the rest of the group distracted by the melee, Severus pulled a few meters away and dug into the envelope for the half-dozen moving photos. The first couple were of one or more of the boys mugging for the camera; Tom holding a rope up and wiggling his eyebrows or Ivan Wilkes juggling a couple dung bombs before they exploded in his face.

But in the third one, Severus felt his fingers go a little numb. He'd expected the victim to be someone like Potter or another of the Gryffindor Quidditch members, but instead he found them dragging a bound and gagged petite fifth year girl that he recognized as an acquaintance of Lily's. Avery must have been behind the camera, but the other three Slytherins appeared positively ecstatic while the cowering blonde looked petrified. Almost afraid of what he would find, he flipped to the next photo and saw a scene familiar to some of the recent newspaper headlines; Tomas led the way with the other two single file behind him, their Gryffindor prey suspended in the air just above their heads. The fifth photo was the girl, suspended upside down from one of the highest perches in the Owlery and as the blood drained to her head she was, indeed, a vivid shade of purple. The final picture showed her being ushered back to the portrait hole, eyes still wide with tears, slung like a sacked deer over Tom's shoulder.

"Damn funny, eh?"

Severus looked up and met Avery's gaze, intense with glee. Inside was something unreadable and something that he wasn't sure he really wanted to understand.

"Who's the girl?" he asked mildly, handing the photos back.

"Macdonald something, I think." Avery shrugged. "No idea, though. We just grabbed whoever the first person was who took the bait."

"Mary Macdonald," Suellen chimed in.

"Don't matter." He waved her off. "Although she did squeal quite a lot. It certainly made it more entertaining."

"So where were _you_, Snape?" Suellen trilled, suddenly turning her full interest to Severus. By the glint in her eyes he could tell she knew full well – or at least thought she did – where he'd been, but she much preferred to play games rather than accuse him outright. "I don't believe I saw you at the feast at all."

Severus realized then that she'd been waiting for the most opportune moment to spring the question on him. Tomas was still glaring at Avery for his slight toward Suellen and the excited attention that had been focused on the four involved pranksters was waning into a fresh silence that she purposely broke. A few heads turned back towards them, Tomas and Avery in particular, curious.

"The library, working on Charms. Unlike Tom, I had to do my own essay," he sneered, but gave a good-natured laugh that he hoped hid his rapidly rising temper. Riding low on sleep deprivation, Suellen's coy baiting was about the last thing he felt in the mood to deal with that morning. He'd forced himself not to think about that evening after he tossed and turned for three hours, his brain conjuring up painful punishments and humiliations for both Potter and Black that he knew he could never carry out. Dumbledore made it clear that the matter was closed and though Severus was tempted, he knew better than to test the resolve of the Headmaster.

"I'm sure you could have found help _somewhere,_" Suellen stated innocently and again, Severus gathered her meaning loud and clear. Luckily the mass exodus of the remaining students to the Great Hall saved him though, and no one else appeared the least bit interested. Tom, exchanging another anecdote from the evening's activities with Rodolphus, pulled Suellen towards him and away from Severus but she offered him a knowing smile before tossing her curls over her shoulder and sauntering away with a frustrating sashay. He had an alarming desire to hex the hair off her head but, unlike his mates, found it uncouth to take advantage of a girl – even one as unashamedly evil as Suellen Parkinson. It did, however, make him grin to think of Lily pointing her wand at that up-turned nose and watching it clean fall off.

'Lily…' He thought with a jump to his heart as he grabbed his own bag and scurried after the scattered students now filtering into the halls. '…Bugger.'

* * *

"Alright, you have 75 minutes. You may begin… now!" 

The temperature in the Potions class rose immediately as thirty students simultaneously lit fires underneath their cauldrons and began mixing ingredients. Severus, who was annoyingly attentive under normal circumstances, was trailing behind the rest at the moment. He'd gotten to class just a hair too late and found, to his great fury, Sirius Black occupying the space next to Lily. It had been his plan to set up shop next to her and force her to listen to him explain… _something_.

But now he was standing behind the two and trying desperately to get her attention even though he couldn't imagine what he would do with it if he ever managed that goal. Surely they couldn't hold a conversation whispering back and forth for the entire class. He cast a glance at the pudgy, squat Slytherin girl he'd been stuck with who immediately narrowed her eyes suspiciously and moved her cauldron farther away. He rolled his eyes. As if he needed to filch answers from her.

Severus could see the professor moving slowly around the room out of his periphery and he hastily began the work from the board, still trying to catch Lily's eye every few seconds or so but she hadn't even afforded him a glimpse of anything besides the back of her plate of hair. His heart sank farther into his chest and he scowled darkly at her partner, as if it was solely Black's fault.

"Your Yucca is too thick."

Lily's voice was taught and a bit condescending; Sirius paused and compared her finely minced piles to his uneven hunks. Severus' mouth twitched into a grin.

"So's your mum."

"Oh, very mature Sirius," she snapped. "I was only trying to help."

"No you weren't. You were trying to be an insufferable know-it-all," he said immediately but still pulled his roots closer and gave them another chopping with his knife. "Mission accomplished, by the by."

"You know, you're awfully mouthy for someone who apparently lost us seventy-five points, all on your own."

Both Sirius and Severus' hands ceased their work and they stared openly at the redhead. Lily ignored the penetrating glare of the boy next to her though and dumped her neat stacks of ingredients into her bubbling cauldron. It hissed loudly and emitted a faint red haze that caused Slughorn to applaud vociferously. He was standing next to Suellen and Tom, the latter of which had just drenched his robes in something green and slimy, and neither looked pleased.

"How do you bloody know about that?" Sirius hissed as soon as Slughorn turned his attention away from them, which, considering how much he adored Lily, was not soon.

"Does it matter?" she asked over her shoulder and Severus shared in Sirius frustrated growl. "So what'd you do, Sirius, set someone on fire?"

"No, although depending upon who it is, that sounds like a thumping good time."

Lily shot him a cold look. "Don't you even care that you lost _seventy-five points_ – from your entire house? After we _all_ spent weeks trying to _earn_ them?"

"Oh, get off it, Lily. It's only November and besides, James managed to save the day again and-."

"James?" She interrupted, raising an eyebrow and glancing a few meters over Sirius shoulder to where James and Peter stood at their own table. "What does Potter have to do with this?"

There was a pause and it was of the same kind Severus recognized from that infamous night just before he suggested the visit to the Willow. Sirius Black when freed from the conscience of Remus Lupin or the paranoid fear of Peter Pettigrew or even the superficial pride of James Potter could let his schemes run rampant. Severus could sense something coming before it was even upon them and he was powerless to stop it.

"Well, you heard about my spectacular loss of points. Surely you heard about James' equally grand _earning_ of points."

"What are you talking about?"

Sirius leaned in and adopted a grave look of sincerity. "One _hundred_ points on ol' Jamesy. Not to mention, if it weren't for James, ol' Snivellus would be fertilizer over in Greenhouse Three by now."

"_What?!_"

A few of the nearby students looked up at the disturbance and Lily flushed brightly. She looked down at her now boiling stew and stirred feverishly but a second later her eyes abandoned it and turned back to Sirius.

"Severus? You mean… James? What? _When?_"

"Halloween," he said.

There was another pause that only Severus understood as she let that information sink in. He knew she was digesting the timeline and he wondered – _hoped_ – that he might actually get away with the entire thing without actually having to explain himself. As much as he hated Sirius for using the opportunity to gain ground with Lily on Potter's behalf, he had to admit that he could use it to his advantage.

"So how did he… you know…?"

"_Well,_" Sirius began dramatically, leaning one hand onto the table. "Snivelly-."

"Severus." Lily corrected dryly.

"Whatever." Sirius rolled his eyes. "_Anyway_, he got the bright idea to go gallivanting around the grounds at night like a dobber and wound up getting past the Whomping Willow. Well, whatever the hell is down there didn't like that and James wound up saving his ungrateful arse."

There was a pregnant silence that no one else was aware of save the two doing the talking and the one doing the eavesdropping. There was a clamor of utensils and flasks against pewter all around them, but they three were still. Lily and Sirius were huddled together, unaware of Severus just a few meters behind, still listening hungrily.

"Why would he go and _do_ that?" Lily asked in a voice mixed with wonder and repugnance.

"Because he lacks the mental skills required for even the simplest of tasks, let alone ones that might necessitate more complex cognition?" came an absent reply. "Honestly, Evans, why does Snape do _anything_?"

"Oh, piss off, Sirius," Lily muttered, finally turning back to her cauldron, where a thin film had started to congeal on the top layer of liquid. Severus, reflexively, stared back down at his own practically empty basin and then glanced at the clock. He groaned. Well, at least his grade could afford _one_ bad mark against it…

"You know, I don't _get_ you, Evans," Sirius, who had already completely abandoned his own work after his go at the roots, stated notably. "You're a clever witch and you've got enough _normal_ blokes who fancy you, it's not like you couldn't _do_ better…"

"And just what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

Severus wanted to silently go on record as wondering the exact same thing. Lily had faced Black fully and Severus could see from her profile that her cheeks were almost as red as her hair, but he couldn't decipher if it was from embarrassment or anger. Or both.

"Severus Snape is a paranoid little snot who thinks all Gryffindors are pussies."

"And you and Potter are self-important turds who think all Slytherins are inbred," she bit back.

"James and I don't go sniffing around like effing Sherlock Holmes just to catch them with their hands in the cookie jar," Sirius sneered.

"No, you just pick on them when you know they're alone and out-numbered. You two are nothing more than overgrown playground bullies."

"Oh get off it, Evans! Do you even know what Snape thinks of the rest of your House? Of your fellow _Prefect?_" Sirius whispered the second sentence conspiratorially and although Lily's disapproving stare didn't waver, there was a pause and Sirius could tell she was mildly curious as to where he was leading her. As soon as he knew he had hooked her he adopted a naïve tone and began hacking away at cactus flower petals with his knife. "And to be perfectly honest, sure, James and I have earned all the ire poor Snivelly can throw at us, but Remus…" he tutted and shook his head, depositing the remains of his petals into his cauldron. "Really, he doesn't deserve that."

"Doesn't deserve _what_, exactly?" Lily half asked, half demanded, sprinkling a handful of shale over her pot as she did so.

Sirius shrugged, pursing his lips. "He's got it in his head that Remus is hiding… _something_."

Severus nearly choked. Lily was casting her partner a dubious eye but was far too trusting to suspect that Sirius might have any motive other than to just make Severus look bad.

"I haven't the foggiest what you're talking about," she replied. Sirius pressed harder.

"Something _dark._"

At this point, Severus had deserted his assignment and barely managed not to elbow his partner's face in an effort to pull his wand from the inside of his robes. Lily's curiosity was finally piqued though, and Slughorn was making his final rounds just before the end of the period; his massive frame was slowly working around the perimeter and peering anxiously into the open faces of each cauldron. Clenching his fist around the shaft of his wand, Severus tried to regulate his breathing but it wasn't easy. His ears were now too devoted to the conversation in front of him to block out the words. He knew what was coming and could foresee the outcome, but at the moment he was forced to keep his feet nailed to the ground and his mouth shut.

"That's ridiculous," Lily scoffed. "Why would anyone think anything like that about _Remus Lupin_?"

"'Dunno. Why don't you ask your pal why he's got his nose to the ground, snuffling around after him every evening?"

To his great relief, Severus could see Lily look quietly annoyed and, with a great flourish of her wand, cleaned up a few drops of spillage that had gathered on either side of her cauldron. Slughorn was stopping very briefly to gauge each student's finished work and gave a subtle nod or shake of the head, sometimes with a few comments to the Slytherins. Lily was preoccupied with her own reflections from the class when he reached her but was startled from her trance when he exclaimed loudly with the usual proclamations of excelling aptitude and an uncommon capacity for potions.

He must still have been on a lofty peak from her success, because he merely shook his head at the scorched flower petals and roots now simmering at the bottom of Sirius' empty cauldron and told him to "take a leaf from your ginger-headed friend's book." The pair tidied up hastily and then, with matching looks of exasperation, headed towards the door.

'Damn it all,' Severus thought, watching her leave without giving him the chance to have a moment alone. Slughorn, who had just given Severus' plump partner a dismissive wave and sent her on her way, cast his bulging eyes expectantly into the void that was his own cauldron.

"Severus, what's this? Are you ill?"

He tore his eyes away from the doorway where Lily's form had just disappeared around and blinked, momentarily confused. "Sir?"

"Unless I miss my guess, you didn't make it past step three, am I correct?" Slughorn was gesturing to the potion – or, lack thereof – on the table.

"Oh. Right. Step three. No, I didn't." He cleared his throat, not accustomed to being singled out negatively. He preferred not to attract attention – even the good kind. "Ill, sir. Yes."

This paltry excuse seemed to satisfy him and he straightened up. "Well then, I suggest you go see Madam Pomfrey. Make sure you're in top form for next class." Slughorn gave him a large, conspicuous wink. "Can't let Miss Evans steal all the glory, now can you?"

Severus already had his books in his bag and was preparing to dash out the door when he heard, "Can't be tops all the time, can you?" behind him and turned.

"He's got to let the little people catch up every once in awhile." Tomas grinned as he approached, Suellen at his side looking furious. Avery prowled behind, his chest thrust out with the Prefect badge perfectly visible. "Slug certainly didn't seem fond of the lapse in alacrity though, Sev."

"Not as if he took his nose out of Evans' arse long enough to notice, though, as it is," Suellen snarled and for once didn't direct the offense towards Severus, but instead glared at the large-framed Professor Slughorn who was packing up his plum-colored bag at his desk. "You'd think he'd show a little House loyalty rather than play favorites with a foul mudblood."

"You get invited to his parties, what more do you want?" Avery rolled his eyes and Suellen transferred her violent glower to him and crossed her arms, huffing indignantly. "Besides, you practically burned a _hole_ in your own cauldron, what did you expect him to do? Pull a cracker?"

As much perverse satisfaction as Severus got from seeing Suellen's blunders exploited for Avery's amusement, his mind was running calculations on how far away Lily could have sprinted by now and how remote the possibility of catching her before she reached the Gryffindor common room was.

"Still, I reckon it's better to at least have _attempted_ it," Suellen said after regarding Avery with one last icy look. She had turned large, doe eyes to Tomas but twisted to face Severus as her boyfriend snaked a possessive arm around her waist. "What step threw you off, Snape? Three, was it?" She clucked her tongue and looked dismayed. "You seemed genuinely distracted. Rather odd for you, isn't it?"

It was one of her favorite pastimes – putting Severus on the spot when they both knew quite well that the reality of the situation would never leave his lips. Though her pale, almost translucent features betrayed no trace of malevolence, her attentiveness to his relationship with Lily was almost obsessive; and her uncanny ability to read his every intention and motivation in regards to their friendship made him very uneasy.

"Bit under the weather lately. Haven't been sleeping well," he replied evenly, shrugging his bag over his shoulder and moving slowly towards the door in an effort to escape the interrogation.

"Besides, one bad day isn't likely to piss on his otherwise sterling reputation in Potions," Tomas said as he stepped in stride next to Severus and pulled a sharp-eyed Suellen along with him. Avery fell in line as well, shouldering as many younger students out of his path as possible as they departed the classroom. Severus felt slightly claustrophobic as they made their way onto the grounds; his eyes were scanning each passing face in case he stumbled upon her but he knew that even then he wouldn't be able to do anything as long as he was sandwiched between Tomas and Avery. Certainly Suellen wouldn't let such an occurrence pass without note.

He tried to trade barbs with his mates about Quidditch and the pathetic showing of the Hufflepuff team and the most recent reports in the Prophet, but he was silently grateful when they didn't seem to notice his lack of participation.

It was in the middle of an acidic tirade from Avery that he caught it. Beyond the cement pillars lining the stone walkways was a flash of red hair and a swoosh of a robe as Lily knelt down beside a whimpering Ravenclaw who looked like he'd been hit with a particularly nasty hex to the nose. The place right between his eyes looked _concave_ and, Severus thought privately, rather painfully so. A few people were sniggering into their arms as they passed and Lily's eyes shot them all daggers as she tried to right the curse with her wand.

Avery's own admonitions about the recent increase in security at Azkaban Prison were halted as they drew closer to the scene. From behind Severus, he reached around and smacked Tomas on the back of the shoulder, and nodded in the direction of Lily and the boy. From the look on his face, one might have thought his birthday had come early.

"Looks like Roddy got out of Charms early." Avery whispered.

The boy let out a whelp and then covered his face with his hands, shaking Lily away. She sighed and tucked her wand into her robes and helped the boy to his feet. Through the din of the passing crowd, Severus couldn't make out the entire conversation but he heard Madam Pomfrey's name mentioned and it wouldn't have been a huge leap in logic to assume they were headed for the Hospital Wing anyway.

Severus didn't have time to react as the pair gimped along, Lily supporting the smaller boy beneath his arm and muttering assurances under her breath. As she looked up, it wasn't hard to miss the quartet of Slytherins, stationary among the bustling mob, watching with a depraved glee at the misfortune of another. The pure amusement on Suellen's face in particular turned sinister when her eyes locked with Lily's. For a fleeting moment Lily paused and her features grew taught as she digested the silent threat. But as she tore her gaze away she appeared to have every intention of ignoring them further until she saw Severus, shrinking next to the towering Tomas; and although she didn't look angry, her face fell as if she'd been slapped. She took a deep breath though, turned on her heel, gripped the boy tighter and marched on.

Avery began to cackle openly and he pulled Tomas aside as they both erupted with laughter. Severus tried to steady the pounding in his skull and formulate a hasty exit that wouldn't arouse curiosity but with the other two fellows now huddled together he didn't think they'd even notice if he snuck away. Before he could consider the alternatives though, Suellen took a step closer and folded her arms over her chest but avoided looking at him. Her gaze was fixed in the direction Lily and the boy had hobbled and she wore an expression of smug satisfaction that had more to do with him than Lily, he supposed, and he knew flight wouldn't be possible. At least not without her knowing exactly what his M.O. was. Severus was fairly certain she wasn't going to tattle to her boyfriend, or anyone else – she'd had plenty of opportunities to spill his secrets already – but it unnerved him that she collected this information on him and Lily and their interaction like a packrat.

"I guess Rodolphus' been doing a little extracurricular reading for Transfiguration," she muttered, bemused. "Lucky your Evans was around, eh?"

Her tone was innocent enough but as she finally turned to face him the almost devilish curve at the corners of her lips caused his eyes to narrow.

"Well, she _is_ a Prefect, after all," he shrugged, trying to appear ambivalent, but cast an obvious glance at her own badge embossed with the large 'P'. "Isn't this sort of thing in the job description?"

"I _do_ remember an oath or somesuch nonsense to uphold the honor of the school and all that rot," she waved her hand dismissively. "We all have differing ideas on _who_ or _what_ honors the great legacy of Hogwarts though, don't we?" She smiled and then shrugged.

"Sue! Sev," Tomas beckoned from a few meters away. "You two coming to lunch or what?" He and Avery had apparently started off again and Suellen trotted quickly to slide her hand possessively into his. With a visible distance now between them, Severus took the opportunity to make a clean break. To hell with Suellen Parkinson, he thought; if he wanted to catch Lily alone he was going to have to take a chance.

"Go on ahead. I'm going to go drop my books off."

He purposely didn't look at her as he turned and jogged in the opposite direction but he could easily imagine the knowing smile slide onto her lips as she logged another "episode" away inside the recesses of her mind.

* * *

Severus didn't have to wait long, lingering in the shadows, before the doors of the Hospital Wing opened and Madam Pomfrey emerged, tutting gently as she escorted Lily out. She thanked the younger girl for her help and quick thinking and promised the boy would be fine after some bed rest to recover from the trauma. Nervous, but knowing he'd never have a better opportunity, Severus stumbled after her solitary, retreating figure. 

"Lily!" He said and broke into a trot to catch up to her. She turned, but he could see she was not pleased at the sight by the stony glare she shot him. "Wait… please."

"I really don't have time, Severus," she said impersonally and he cringed at the use of his full name. "McGonagall gave me another stack of essays to mark and she's expecting me to pick them up this afternoon." She didn't bother to slow her pace and he practically had to jog to keep up.

"More? How do you find time to do your _own_ work?"

"You don't have to worry about me. I manage just fine," she said coldly. "I don't need a nanny."

"Now, that's not what I meant." He fumbled with his words and found himself frustrated that she couldn't look at him long enough to explain or defend himself. "I just think you're working too hard and not getting enough time to relax. I've hardly seen you in days and _you_ haven't said two words to me in that time, either." Once again, it was difficult to hide the personal wounds the words carried and he hated the weakness they exposed. Still, for the moment he forgave himself because she seemed to hesitate and her speed slowed.

"It's not like you've been lonely though, have you Sev?" Lily didn't look at him but she sounded sour. They reached a large oak door and he leaned his entire weight into it and it swung open, revealing the crisp autumn air. A vision of her crestfallen face just a half-hour before as she spotted him beside Tomas flitted into his mind and he felt his chest constrict in desperation.

"It's not the same!" He said, more ardently than he normally would've allowed and the emotion startled not only Lily, but Severus as well. Still, though, he continued. "I thought we were supposed to be friends? _Best_ friends?"

"We _are_, Sev, but I don't like some of the people you're hanging round with!" she finally exclaimed. "I'm sorry, but I detest Avery and Mulciber! _Mulciber!_ What do you see in him, Sev, he's creepy! D'you know what he tried to do to Mary Macdonald the other day?"

Severus did, indeed, know and had seen the proof. While he couldn't say the scenario of three hulking boys against one scared, diminutive girl seemed fair, he told himself that Tomas and Avery and Rodolphus were just pranksters and never intended for any real _harm_ to come to her. Still, Lily was now peering accusingly up at him from a pillar and those excuses sounded hollow and false even to him.

His contention got lost in his throat under her penetrating gaze and he felt a frantic need to justify not only them, but himself as well "That was nothing. It was a laugh, that's all-"

"It was Dark Magic, and if you think that's funny-," She had jumped at the word 'laugh,' looking positively livid. Now Severus couldn't stop envisioning the pictures they'd shown him in the Slytherin common room; the one with Mary suspended mid-air in particular at the forefront of his mind. Without thinking, he reached for his old fallback argument, forgetting for the moment the propensity it had for backfiring on him.

"What about the stuff Potter and his mates get up to?" he asked bitterly. Severus pushed his own occasional misgivings about Tomas and Avery to the side, letting his anger and humiliation seethe as he recalled Halloween night with spiteful clarity. His cheeks felt warm and Lily was looked at him peculiarly. Rarely did he allow himself to get so worked up

"What's Potter got to do with anything?" she asked suspiciously. Severus stopped for a second, remembering the conversation he'd overheard in Potions just a few hours ago and then Dumbledore's warnings and threats of expulsion if he found out the secret had been leaked.

"They sneak out at night," he said evenly and she merely blinked in response. He had to choose his words carefully or else he could get himself into real trouble. "There's something weird about that Lupin. Where does he keep going?"

"He's ill. They say he's ill-"

"Every month at the full moon?" The words slipped out quicker and nastier than Severus had wanted. He knew he was toeing the line now, but if he could just get Lily to _guess…_

"I know your theory," she said coolly in obvious disbelief and he felt numb with envy that she seemed to be regarding Sirius' version with more credence. "Why are you so obsessed with them anyway? Why do you care what they're doing at night?"

"I'm just trying to show you they're not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are," he said, the jealousy driving a bite into his tone. Nursing a wound from the betrayal that she wouldn't even hear him out, Severus couldn't hide his resentment. She'd been defiant in her question but as he held her eyes with his own, finally confident in his own position, he seemed to challenge her with knowledge she didn't possess; he was practically daring her to test him. Lily eventually ducked her head to hide a tint of pink that crept onto her cheeks.

"They don't use Dark Magic, though," she stated, as if that should end the matter. "And you're being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever's down there-"

There weren't enough expletives in the language to suit Severus' needs at that moment. "Saved? Saved?" He spluttered crossly. "You think he was playing the hero? He was saving his neck and his friends' too! You're not going to – I won't let you -"

"_Let_ me? _Let_ me?" Lily stood up straight and put her hands on her hips, looking irate. Realizing his error, Severus backed down immediately.

"I didn't mean – I just don't want to see you made a fool of –" He stammered, attempting to avoid the obvious before simply giving in. "He fancies you, James Potter fancies you!" He spat the words out as if he'd just bitten into rotten fruit. Suddenly the righteous anger he'd been filled with moments ago wilted and he stared at the ground awkwardly "And he's not… everyone thinks… big Quidditch hero-"

"I know James Potter's an arrogant toerag," Lily replied without missing a beat. Severus looked up as if it was a reflex and found her face had softened; she was now watching him curiously. "I don't need you to tell me that. But Mulciber's and Avery's idea of humor is just evil. _Evil_, Sev. I don't understand how you can be friends with them," she had emphasized the word 'you' so tenderly Severus felt an all-too familiar (yet, surprisingly, not unpleasant) twisting sensation in his stomach and it made his breath catch in his throat. He watched the chilly autumn breeze stir up strands of fiery hair that got caught in her pale eyelashes and he wondered if the color on her face was from the nip in the air or… something else.

They both realized, almost simultaneously, that the hostile tension had lifted and the space between them shrank as they continued to walk again. Severus felt weak with relief that the ordeal had past and he inhaled what felt like the first deep breath he'd taken in days.

"I was really worried, you know," she said after awhile and he raised his eyebrows, confused. They had reached farther out onto the grounds and as they rounded a shallow hill the dark lake loomed into view. Their cadence slowed to a stop and she turned to face him. "When you didn't come back. On Halloween, I mean."

"Oh God, Lily, I am so sorry about all that…." he said as the realization hit him and he suddenly found it a struggle to meet her eyes.

"I was completely chuffed when I found out you were still alive. I couldn't believe you'd just ditch me like that, you tosser," she raised a wry eyebrow. "And when Mary told me what Mulciber and Avery did to her… I was _so_ angry. I didn't even think I'd be able to look at you."

"Lil…" He desperately wanted to say something – _anything_ – to make it up to her, even if he knew no such words existed. His voice trailed off though and she waited patiently, her eyes wide and innocent. Finally, he just sighed and settled on, "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me what _really_ happened?"

He knew that question would come but he still didn't have an adequate answer. His mind whirled and he turned his back to her, agitated by the mere mention of The Incident.

"I don't know." He sighed, lying.

"Were you embarrassed? Because it was James who…?" she asked quietly from behind him. He immediately tensed when she used his first name; it sounded far too intimate.

"No!" He spun back around, startling her. Severus paused and collected himself before repeating sternly, "_No._ I just…" Thoughts jumbled incoherently through his skull and all of them sounded just as implausible as the next. "…I just wanted to forget about the entire ordeal. That's all," he said with as much finality as he could muster and he forced himself to square his own gaze with hers. She hardly looked convinced, however.

"Sev, why would you even _do_ something like that? We both know you're not daft," she cocked him a half grin. "Not _that_ daft, at least."

"I must have gone mental for the evening then, because I certainly wasn't in possession of any common sense for those few hours," Severus said bitterly. "Maybe the full moon doesn't just affect werewolves; maybe it performs magical lobotomies as well."

Lily laughed. "What're you talking about?"

"It was actually on the advice of Sirius Black that I take that trip down to the Whomping Willow that night," Severus replied steadily, almost enjoying the way her smile fell into a look of sheer alarm.

"_What?_" She breathed, looking appalled and terrified and utterly bewildered. It was Severus' turn to grin and he added a nod.

"They left that part out?"

"Surely he didn't know what was down there…?"

"'Course he did," Severus sniffed, indignant. "Who do you think told Potter where I was? _Why_ do you think he told him? They both knew what I was headed for."

"So he did that on _purpose?_" Lily looked white as a sheet, her voice barely above a whisper. "_Why?_"

"Because he's a _dick,_" Severus exclaimed in exasperation as if she should have picked up on that fact by then. Lily, though, was staring absently at the ground, her fingertips touching her lips and hardly paying attention to anything he had just said. For a moment, he wondered if she was about to be sick. "Lil…?"

He was cut off as she launched herself at him and wrapped her arms around his neck so tightly he had to pull his chin up just to breathe. Somewhere between the racing of his own heart and the throbbing of the blood in his pulse, he could hear quiet, muffled sobs coming from where her head was buried at his throat. In completely unknown territory for one of the first times in his life, Severus was at a loss. He couldn't move a muscle even when he tried; all mental functions seemed to be focusing on the warm, damp section of skin where her breath was landing just above the collar of his robes. The entire situation felt awkward and uncomfortable and a part of him was desperately glad no one else was around to witness this fit of anxiety he was suffering from. Yet his arms – of their own accord – were creeping slowly upwards from his sides to gingerly rest on her back. Physical intimacy of any kind was an uncharted path for Severus that he normally would have avoided; even now he wasn't sure of what conclusion to come to. But as Lily's breathing became steadier and she leaned a bit farther into him, he found his muscles relaxing. It was warm and it seemed as if there were no space between the two participants anywhere, almost like a puzzle.

"I'm so sorry, Sev," she sniffled miserably, pulling away a bit to wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. "I am _such_ an arse. Here I thought you just went down there, against all the warnings we've been given, just… just…" She paused, shaking her head. "I don't even know why! That goit Black made it sound like… well, of course he'd leave out the fact that he _told_ you to go and that he _knew_ what was there…." She rolled her eyes and rubbed her cheeks with both hands, finally drawing away from Severus completely.

Severus wanted to respond with a quip about how Black had never been lauded for his integrity or how he never expected him to be anything other than a self-seeking prick, but the air seemed to have exited his lungs for good. There was a time when Lily's sympathies would have been sought after but he suddenly couldn't shake how pitiable her tears made him feel.

"I'm fine, though," he said, attempting a cocky grin. She responded only with another sniff. "Really, Lily."

"Yeah, thanks to Potter," her voice was acrid and she raised an ironic eyebrow. His bravado faltered immediately. "I don't even want to _think_ about what might have happened had he not…"

"_Don't._" Severus cut across her words, his tone dangerously low. Lily shot him a look at the interruption but went quiet a moment later; he'd turned mutinous in the blink of an eye and appeared ready to do damage.

"Sev…" Lily started cautiously, gently touching his arm. He didn't even bother to look at her; he just closed his eyes. "He saved your life. You _do_ realize that, right?"

There was an unattractive curl to Severus' upper lip that she recognized every time he fought something within. She could only dream of the atrocities that were going on in his head at that moment.

He'd never been forthcoming with physical contact, so Lily was always hesitant to initiate it herself even in the most platonic moments. But never had she seen someone so in need of a hug or a touch or even the squeeze of a hand.

The movement was subtle but enough to startle his eyes open and find tiny, thin fingers pushing strands of hair carefully away from his face. He sucked in what he was certain would be his last breath.

"Sev," She whispered, her eyebrows knitted together in genuine and dire concern. "You have to learn to let go."

* * *

Review if you are so inclined! 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Oh, you all are patient little muffins for sticking around as long as you have! I'm sure most of you don't even remember who I am or what this is about and I can't fault you. I've been simply _awful_.

As an admitted angst-monger, this was the chapter I'd been both longing and dreading coming to. This kicks off the gut-punching downfall of their friendship and any hope poor Severus has of receiving her love. On the one hand, I couldn't _wait_ to get to it because, hurray heartbreak! On the other hand, I didn't want to screw it up. So perhaps that's part of why it took so long.

Also, life is complicated. 'Nuff said.

I hope you can forgive any discontinuity in dialogue flow as I'm a Yank who's sadly out of practice in sounding like a non-Yank. If I can manage it, I'll keep at this until the end and things will get back to moderately-believable-if-not-wholly-mediocre Britspeak.

More and more apologies for this being late. Burn me in effigy if you must - I won't complain.

Comments are, as always, much appreciated. :)

**Disclaimer: All characters included herein are property of JK Rowling, Scholastic and Bloomsbury (and others I'm not aware of), who all kindly look the other way when we want to play in their world. This story, however, belongs to me.**

**'Becoming'**

**Point Blank Fuchelli**

Chapter Four

The holidays for Severus were, in many ways, exactly like the rest of the year. He felt (and indeed was) very much alone even while in a crowd full of people. At Hogwarts, the bustling masses were peers and students with the occasional authority figure looming ominously. The amount of time spent solitarily was considerably more at Spinner's End but during the odd family dinner, where it was impossible to avoid his father's crass, working-class relatives, the effect on Severus's nerves was quite the same.

He was never particularly excited about the holidays specifically but he did savor the overwhelming silence that seemed to cloak the small hovel for most hours of the day. For this reason he looked forward to the few weeks away even if it meant stowing his wand out of sight from his father's disapproving eye.

"Severus?" His mother called from the kitchen. "Severus, are you out of bed?" Cringing, he sighed and pulled his threadbare tweed coat from atop his trunk. "It's half-past eight already! I sincerely hope you aren't adopting the abhorrent propensity toward sleeping late while you're away at school. I shall owl Professor Dumbledore about the lack of self-discipline being instilled in the students should that be the case. There is no reason why an able body cannot and _should_ not rise with the sun. Why, when I attended, Professor Dumkirk made sure…"

Eileen Snape was cut short by the appearance of her son, sans robe, in full muggle attire. She fussed over the collar, yanked at his sweater and swept the hair from his eyes all the while tutting disapprovingly through gray teeth. Severus heaved a great sigh and pulled out of her grasp.

"I trust you've put your wand away?" She inquired curtly, adjusting her own garments before pulling on a mud-colored pea coat. Severus nodded. "We'll floo to Diagon Alley and make a stop at Gringott's. Do you have your money?" He nodded again, tighter this time. "Good. I don't want to get all the way there only to find out you've left it in your other jumper or that you developed a hole in your trouser pocket and it's all fallen out." Eileen turned to the modest stone fireplace and Severus clenched his teeth at her back, following a few meters behind. He would have much rather gone into London on his own but as he was still underage, Gringott's would require the presence of the witch or wizard acting as the head of his household in order to complete a transaction.

"It's likely to take a bit." Eileen grimaced and narrowed her eyes disdainfully ahead as Severus ducked under the overhang and into the pit. "You remember how churlish the goblins got the last time. I don't understand why they have to be so intolerable over something as inconsequential as _muggle _money."

Severus kept silent the entire journey, all the way up until they reached the polished brass podium behind which a particularly sallow-looking goblin sat. His mother spoke severely, in short sentences to which he paid no mind until both she and the goblin (who, Severus just noticed, was called "Rang") paused and gave him pointed and startlingly similar glares.

"Sorry?" He mumbled, avoiding eye contact. It was moments like this when he was oddly glad that his family wasn't wealthy simply so he could avoid this contemptuous species as often as possible.

"Amount of exchange?" Rang asked. Severus fumbled in his pockets for a few of the galleons he'd been saving, retrieved five and laid them on the counter. Rang scratched something on the parchment in front of him before reaching below for a fist-full of paper bills. The goblin didn't offer anything other than silence as soon as the transaction had finished and so his mother shooed him past the line of waiting patrons and out the front doors.

"It is currently forty-two minutes past the hour, Severus." His mother stated. "I have to pick up a few articles here, so I'll give you two hours in London. Return no later than a quarter before twelve."

For a moment, Severus was struck dumb. A million explanations bounded through his brain in a matter of seconds but he silenced them all when he spoke, hesitantly.

"You mean for me to go to London… by myself?"

Eileen rolled her eyes to the back of her head. "Of course by yourself, silly boy. You're fifteen years old and Merlin knows you're capable of traipsing around the city without your mum there to hold your hand."

Brushing aside his annoyance at the assumption that he wanted her to tag along, Severus suddenly stood up straighter. He was involuntarily grateful for the independence and felt the corners of his mouth tug upward as he contemplated it.

"Keep your wits about you now, Severus. Your father will have your hide if any trouble is caused among the muggles." At this his mother, without so much as another nod, turned her tense gait in the opposite direction and left Severus standing in the bustling street, unsure of where to start.

******

Almost an hour and a half later and Severus's patience was wearing thin.

He had spent far too long browsing in half a dozen boutiques and shops, all clerked by squealing muggle girls and all hocking offensively _ugly_ merchandise. He'd never held muggles in high regard (due largely in part to his tyrannical excuse for a father) but as his stomach turned at the ludicrously garish rubbish they consumed on a daily basis, his opinion only plummeted.

The storefronts were all beginning to look the same as he wandered aimlessly, his spirits deflating. He barely looked up as a new one passed but a pedestrian, headed in the opposite direction, stumbled awkwardly and clipped Severus's shoulder before tottering back to his feet without so much as an apology. Severus whirled around, annoyed as he remembered he'd left his wand behind at the house, and prepared to face the offender. Before he could even utter a word however, his gaze was snatched by the window display at the small shop he very nearly ignored. The simple shelves and velvet-lined cases glittered delicately under white lights where a few pieces of elegant jewelry lay out tauntingly. In all honesty, money itself never held much appeal to Severus except for the power that inevitably went along with it; material possessions seemed like a waste of resources to his cynical mind. At the moment however, his thoughts weren't focused on logic; his thoughts weren't even in London. No, just then he was transfixed by a simple silver bracelet with a dozen stones that perfectly matched the shade of Lily's kelly-green eyes.

The shop, Ginger's, was practically empty when he shuffled inside and out of the cold. An elderly, bald man was busy with a young couple trying on rings so Severus paced awkwardly near the door, sneaking a glance at the window display every few seconds and fidgeting nervously. An inner monologue chided his unexpected anxiety. This was the very reason he'd come to London, wasn't it? Generally he avoided large congregations of muggles whenever he could but this, he'd told himself, _this_ was different.

Last year, with a light snow falling in the twilight, he'd been caught unawares by Lily appearing on his doorstep Christmas evening, small wrapped box under her arm. She'd laughed and waved him off when he fumbled through an apology for not having something in return but nothing could quell his inner self-reproach. In all their years as friends they'd never exchanged gifts so he had no reason to expect _that_ December should be different. But as he shyly took the package from her he couldn't help but ask himself angrily why the idea had never occurred to _him_. That night after she'd left and he lay alone in the dark of his bedroom, Severus swore he'd make up for the blunder the following year.

"Have you been helped?"

A middle-aged blonde had emerged from the back and was making strides towards him, snapping Severus from his reverie. The woman smiled warmly but he couldn't see the benefit of returning the sentiment so he merely cleared his throat.

"No. I wanted to inquire about the, um, bracelet." He stated. She blinked and after a beat, he clarified, "The one in the window. The green one."

"Oh, isn't it just lovely?" She cooed immediately, brushed past him and in less time than it took Severus to blink she'd pulled a small key from her pocket and unlocked the glass doors. "It's so common to see peridot with gold but I think it's an exquisite match with the silver. And so unique!" She took the velvet setting out from under the lights and retrieved the piece gently. Severus's heart sped up as she held it out mere centimeters from his face. The brilliant green stones were even more striking this close and he felt suddenly… nauseous. This had been his intention from the beginning but facing the reality of what he was doing made him feel awfully _committed_. Surely this was a lot of money and Severus had no good idea as to what was and wasn't "pretty". What if she didn't like it? What if she already had something similar? Would she tell him or would she simply pretend to like it just to spare his feelings and then toss it in her bureau when she got home?

"It's a fantastic steal too, you know." The woman said brightly, winking down at him. "Sale for the hols and all. We're letting it go for a measly eleven pounds."

With time wearing down and having found nothing even remotely as appealing, Severus took a deep breath and nodded resolutely.

"I'll take it."

******

The twilight was just settling into the sky on Christmas evening and Severus was enjoying what he considered the best gift of all: silence.

Since turning eleven he no longer attended the family gatherings at the insistence of his father. Tobias had a tenuous understanding of what exactly magic entailed and, after witnessing his son's burgeoning abilities, became paranoid at the notion of some freak wand misfiring taking place in the middle of supper. Eileen, while still not entirely trusted to keep a tight reign on her "problem," was allowed to accompany her husband in order to corroborate that their son was of the sickly sort and unable to travel. He never said as much, but Severus was unreasonably pleased with the arrangement. Once a year his parents left him to his own devices for three days. It mattered little to him that he spent Christmas proper by himself – in fact, that was how he preferred it – and for seventy-two hours their little two-room flat seemed enormous.

He had just finished cleaning up his dirty flatware when the knock he'd been expecting came at the front door. Even when his parents were at home they never received much company but every year Lily would escape her muggle relatives a few hours after they'd arrived and appear at his door, red-faced from the cold. _"No one should have to spend the holiday all alone,"_ she'd say, smiling. _"Even if they _ARE_ an unfriendly git."_ Of the world and all its occupants, Lily was just about the only person whose company he preferred to his own.

For the first time Severus felt peculiarly nervous as he thought of her standing, alone, on the other side of the door. He hesitated; his hand poised over the knob cautiously, and shook his head. How was this any different than the year before? Or every year prior? He let out a forced laugh to calm himself but his heart jump as he pulled the door open just the same.

"Merry-effing-Christmas."

It was Lily all right, but in all the years he'd known her Severus had never seen her so entirely boiled.

"Good to see you too, Lil."

She threw him a wry scowl over her shoulder as she brushed past, hastily pulling her scarf and wool coat off as she did so.

"Some people – namely my sister – have a very shaky grasp of this 'holiday spirit' duff." Lily grumbled. After throwing her things over the rack she stormed through the foyer and into the small living room, her arms folded tightly over her chest. Severus stayed mute and followed directly after, keeping just enough distance to avoid swinging, vengeful limbs. "Whatever happened to 'peace on earth, good will toward men' and all that jazz? You'd think she could stuff her ignorant, self-righteous, ill-informed judgments for _one day_!" She punctuated the tirade with an enraged "GUH!" and threw herself ceremoniously onto the gray, threadbare couch, still fuming quietly.

"What happened this time?" Severus finally dared to ask once the slow burn appeared to be tapering off. Without meeting his eyes she looked up and scowled deeper.

"She's _always_ fussing about her complexion, right? So I bought her Fink's Fast-acting Foam because Ingrid swore by it last term – you remember that, don't you? It was like a bloody miracle and she only had to deal with that blue tint for a day or two, a small price to pay if you ask me considering what her skin looked like _before_ – and she was _fine_ with it this morning, maybe even pleased, if you can _ever_ call Tuney 'pleased'. But _then_ she asked over pudding – _HOURS_ later – where I got it. So I told her and of _course_ she'd never heard of the place, so guessing correctly that Smead's wasn't a "normal" store by her uptight, narrow-minded standards, she decided that she didn't want it and _threw it away!_ Without even _trying_ it!" By this point, Severus could see fat tears collecting in the corners of her eyes despite the still furious tone to her voice. Even though her sister's inconsiderate behavior was nothing new, it never failed to sting like a fresh wound after each thoughtless act that Lily weathered. "I found it in the _rubbish_ bin, Sev! She didn't even _try_ to hide what she'd done! It's like she's purposely trying to upset me."

"Honestly Lil, I don't know why you even bother with her anymore when _she's_ practically considered herself an only child ever since Hogwarts." Severus said as he made his way to the other side of the sofa. Lily exhaled wearily and her expression grew softer.

"Because… I mean, she's my _sister,_ Sev. You can't just b_reak-up_ with family like a girlfriend or a mate." She looked resigned, as if she knew her future only held more of the same treatment, and shrugged. "I don't know how she does it, you know? Acting like I'm some third-cousin she hardly knows and barely tolerates – I could never manage it."

"She's an old boiler, I tell you; totally heartless." Severus sniffed disparagingly and raised a skeptical eyebrow. "I don't know how you two even came from the same _womb_. Are you sure she wasn't adopted?"

Lily cocked a small grin and looked over at him from the corner of her eye. "It's more likely that it was me they bought. I'm the one with the weird 'impurity,' you'll remember; the odd-ball in the family."

"Well, your parents are the intelligent sort. After seeing what happened with their first, they probably didn't want to take their chances at turning out another Petunia."

Lily laughed fully now and shook her head. "Merlin save us if there were _two_ of her."

"You're heads and tails over her, Lil. A far better sister than she deserves." He paused and without thinking added, "Not to mention dead prettier."

Severus could hardly believe his own words and the silence that followed felt awkward and stifling in the small room. His eyes darted from his lap to her face for a split second before he caught her blushing, staring into her own lap. The small smile that crept onto her lips did nothing to remove the sudden lump in his throat though and he was grateful when she spoke so he didn't have to.

"Yes, well, a fat lot of good it does me. I might as well have leprosy rather than freckles in her mind." Lily paused for a moment and sighed wearily, and then jumped up from her seat. "But enough of that nonsense, Sev; I've got something for you."

Again struck with a rather unfamiliar anxiety, Severus stood nervously and fidgeted. Should he go get the bracelet now? Or should he wait? Lily was shuffling in the pocket of her hastily discarded coat at the moment, mumbling under her breath "it's around here somewhere, I _swear_ I brought – ah!" With a yelp she fell onto her backside but held a flat parcel tied with a large green bow triumphantly in her hands.

"McGonagall taught me how to bewitch containers so they can hold more but I think I went a little mad with my coat, to be honest. I've lost more quills and sickles and sherbet drops in its depths than I care to count." She looked pleased when she stood but as she handed it to an uncomfortable Severus, her cheeks turned a faint shade of pink again. "Anyway, here." She smiled despite the odd electricity that hung in the air. "Merry Christmas, Sev."

She was watching him expectantly so he hesitated only for a moment before tearing the paper wrapping from it. Unsurprisingly, it was a book but one with very little engraving on the cover – just three initials and a family name in the bottom right corner: _T. M. S. Hook_. Severus stared, breathless, and turned the ancient volume over in his hands.

"Lily, how did you…? Is it really?" He finally met her eyes and she looked as if she was about to burst with anticipation.

"If it's not then it's an extraordinary copy." Severus flipped it open and thumbed through several well-worn pages, marveling at the hand-written text and detailed diagrams that accompanied each page. "I already tried out a couple at random and from what I can tell it seems genuine."

"How in the hell did you ever manage to find it?"

"Utter dumb luck." She replied. "I was at Borgin and Burke's – don't tell McGonagall, you know how she feels about that place – and I stumbled upon it by sheer chance. I was trying to find something on cures for the nastier, more malicious hexes when I literally tripped over it." By now she was beaming with pride. It was obviously something she'd been dying to tell him ever since it happened. "I've had it for months now and it was all I could do not to give it to you sooner."

"Lily, I don't even…" He trailed off before his eyes widened and slowly shook his head. "Are you sure _you_ don't want to keep it?" She scoffed.

"Please! Sev, I bought it for _you_." She grinned wickedly. "Besides, we're in the same class so it'll practically be mine anyway."

"Lord. Slughorn won't know what to do with himself."

"Well, he already thinks your potions prowess is bordering on genius. After this I wouldn't be surprised if he asked you to teach the class." Lily laughed and even Severus couldn't hold back an awed grin as he perused each potion more carefully. Hook had been expelled from Britain's wizarding circles hundreds of years ago and his name was barely a blip in Hogwart's History of Magic curriculum, only mentioned for having unsavory ties to revolutionary groups in Africa. Severus, however, had been sitting next to Tomas who (apparently) was a distant great-nephew and he never passed up an opportunity to sound self-important. He had scoffed under his breath at the injustice of neglecting such a brilliant potions master and was more than happy to expound on any accomplishments attached to his family name when Severus asked in between classes.

"I'm so glad you like it." Lily breathed. He looked up at her and for the first time in what seemed like years, felt wholly _happy_. He'd received gifts before – even gifts from her – but he couldn't remember when one had ever been so personal.

"It's incredible, Lil. I'm completely made up over it." He was sure he was glowing and at the sight, Lily's own expression got brighter. Her eyes twinkled a bright green in the dim light of the overhead lamp and he suddenly remembered the small box sitting on the bureau in his room. His face grew hot and he let his eyes dart away from her, inexplicably nervous once again. "So… do you want yours?"

For a brief moment her expression went blank before her eyes grew large. "Oh Sev, you didn't have to. Really." He managed a laugh that he hoped sounded indifferent and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"You made me feel like a right fool last year. I wasn't about to let that happen again."

She scowled. "That's silly, Sev. You know it doesn't matter one lick to me."

"So, do you want it or not?"

Lily gave a half-smile from one side of her mouth and feigned nonchalance, waving her hand dismissively. "Well, _alright,_ seeing as how you've already gone to the trouble and all."

"Right. I'll just go get it then." He left Lily standing in the living quarters and scurried back to his door and threw it open. The small velvet box was sitting all alone with a gold bow snugly wrapped around it, just waiting for him. The churning in the pit of his stomach was becoming frighteningly familiar and he took a deep breath in hopes that it would quell the anxiety. It didn't.

Chastising himself for being so ridiculous, he snatched the box without another thought and trotted back out to his company. She'd returned to the couch and was browsing through the potions book again when she heard him approach. The little girl in her still got unreasonably excited at the prospect of Christmas presents and she failed miserably at trying to hide the anticipation. She'd always bought and received gifts with a small group of immediate family but Severus was the first _friend_ that she felt compelled and desirous to add to that list. To her knowledge, though, none of the members of his own family did much to celebrate the holidays other than a dinner that Severus himself never attended. It always made her a bit depressed to think about, really.

"Here. Merry Christmas."

Severus tried not to watch but he felt like a vulture. His heart thudded and the roar of his pulse deafened him as he studied her expression through his eyelashes, unsure of his choice all of a sudden. Had he gone too far? Jewelry was kind of… big, now that he really thought about it. To go from nothing one year to _jewelry_ the next might come across as presumptuous – or worse, _desperate_.

"Oh my…"

"It's nothing really. If you don't like it…"

"Sev, it's _beautiful_." Lily breathed the last word in an exhale and slowly brought her gaze up to meet his before breaking into an enormous smile. "I don't even know what to say!"

"Are you sure? Because honestly, it'd be no trouble at all to take it back…"

"Don't you dare!" She exclaimed and pulled it gently out of the box. "I _love_ it."

Severus let out a sigh of relief that got stuck halfway when Lily launched herself at him, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. In his wildest dreams he'd never imagined this kind of reaction from her and he hadn't a clue how to respond. She was laughing with her lips next to his ear and the sound accompanied by the ever so slight brush of her cheek against his own caused his heart to race. He was embarrassed and shy as she pulled away, grinning.

"Although I can't help but notice the choice of Slytherin colors." She raised an eyebrow. Severus couldn't help himself; he barked out a laugh.

"I hadn't recognized that." He said after gaining back a bit of steam. Lily nudged him with her shoulder.

"'Course you didn't." She chided while quickly fastening the chain around her wrist. For a second, though, her eyebrows slid together and she looked up seriously. "Was it terribly expensive?"

If anyone else had asked him such a question he would have been offended; as it was, Severus was only slightly affronted that she worried he might have done something foolish. But he shrugged dismissively.

"No, not really. And besides, I _wanted_ to do it."

She smiled, blushing again. "Well, thank you. It's lovely."

"How've your hols been?" He asked, changing the subject in the hopes of drawing the conversation back to something less awkward. "I've hardly seen you."

"Alright, I guess." She shrugged and leaned back with a sigh into the worn cushions. "Spent the weekend with Grams first thing. D'you know I've got a third cousin in Italy who's a wizard?" She paused and thought for a moment. "At least, I _think_ he's a wizard. Grams kept talking about weird things happening whenever he was around and how he attended a school she'd never heard of. I stuffed it because Mum and Dad haven't told anyone about me yet but I guess this means I'm not the only freak in the family."

"Lily, you are _not_ a freak." Severus corrected sternly.

"No, I know. But it's a lot easier to believe that at Hogwarts, where I'm not exactly out of the ordinary. My parents don't entirely understand but, bless their hearts, they certainly _try_." Her face fell again and he could see already the direction the conversation was headed and felt powerless to stop it. The ache in her voice made Severus restless for reasons he couldn't fathom.

"Lily…" He started but she cut him off.

"I adore Hogwarts, you know. And there are certainly enough muggle brats running around there, so it's not as if I'm some awful peculiarity. But there aren't many that sprang from fully non-magical families and most had a parent or a sibling or an uncle that could, I dunno, _coach_ or at least _relate_ to them. Sometimes I feel like a complete dunce for not knowing simple things that you all have grown up with.

"And then I come home to _Petunia_ and feel like some mental hospital escapee. I swear, there are times she looks like she expects me to burst into flame or turn her into a toad." Lily briefly scowled but deflated less than a second later. "I just… don't understand."

Rarely did Severus ever see Lily so unsure of herself and he knew her well enough to trust that it wouldn't last long. She was the type that could pick herself back up without much assistance from another and that was a very big reason why he admired her so greatly. But seeing her slumped against the lumpy sofa with a blank stare plastered on her face felt so very wrong to him and he was slightly shocked by the realization that he didn't just want her to feel better but _he_ wanted to be the one who made it happen. Even though the sight of her so gloomy made his chest constrict painfully there was an abstract, almost possessive joy due to the fact that he was the only one present to witness it.

However, as he watched her with his brow knitted in frustrated concern, he hadn't a clue how to go about changing the matter. A barely audible inner voice suggested _'honesty'_ but he felt his face drain of color at just the thought. Honesty… about _what_?

'_How you feel. What you think of her.'_

What _did_ he think of her? How _did_ he feel? Just the questions themselves made him hyperventilate in panic without even a clear answer to give.

Unbidden, the objectionable image of James Potter popped his head. Immediately the slight terror he'd felt at his own feelings turned into something more akin to rage when he thought about Potter's blatant show of fancy. No one who witnessed it could mistake his feelings for Lily – it grew more and more obvious with each pathetic display. Yet here Severus sat – her best friend – at a loss for words when questioning what she meant to him. Even if it only amounted to a mere annoyance, at least James Potter knew where he stood with Lily. When confronted with such blunt candor, Lily would never respond with any sort of sugar-coating and it was that knowledge Severus found himself unwittingly envious of.

In the blink of an eye, however, he was forced to confront several of these very issues when Lily heaved a large sigh and slipped sideways, her head nestling effortlessly on his shoulder. Without having to contemplate anything further the pieces fell into place and Severus could no longer ignore the longing and ache emanating from his heart.

"You know, I'm not sure I fit in _anywhere_ entirely."

He could feel her breathing slow into a steady rhythm as she nodded off, her eyelids drooping lazily. Severus had no idea whether his acknowledgment and acceptance of these feelings would affect or change their relationship, or if he even _wanted_ them to. He shifted in his seat, freeing his arm so he could slide it over the top and behind her head. She fell further, her shoulder cradling under his and her hair creating a burgundy blanket over his bicep. She smelled like soap and cinnamon and in his short life, Severus could not remember ever having felt so content as he did listening to her low snoring.

"Actually, I think you fit well right here."

**********


End file.
